Some people think that introducing new technology would improve the quality of life of people in developing countries. Others believe it is free education that improves quality of life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There are
many factors that make people to have live an advanced the quality of life in
developing countries. Some people argue that new technology is important to
make industrialization, while others assume that free education is the fastest
way to improve quality of life. Although I will discuss both views, and I personally believe
that education is making life better and fast.
First of
all, our society has been developed quickly fast through the various technologies and
people’s life is much more comfortable and safe than before. For example,
nowadays, technologies of building have architecture has been advanced not only in the design side but also in the practical side which was not imaginable in the past could not in the past. Constructors establish buildings by considering
natural disasters like earthquakes. Depends Depending on the frequency of natural disasters
in their countries, they use different technologies. Therefore, it would be helpful
for developing countries if developed countries introduce some new
technologies.
On the
other hand, some people think free education is most important because they know
about just few so people who are in developing countries do not know what to do
first. (여기는 어떤 의미로 적어주셨나요? 댓글 주시면 확인하고 수정해드리겠습니다.) However, through free education, they can learn whatever they want and
they might find a field in which they are interested in interest field that they want to try to be. Moreover, they can realize
some things through free education, and someone might even bring huge changes to their own
country positively. I think it is important that people should realize what they
want because that is a motivation for making a better life.
In conclusion,
it is very helpful for developing countries that introducing to introduce new technology in
short-terms for developing countries, however, in the long-terms through the education, each person
should realize what they want to be because it is the strength that people keep
doing that. (여기도 댓글 주세요~)
277자
목표 6.0~6.5
감사합니다!!
총평: (6/6/5/5) 5.5
문법 오류가 조금 많이 보이는 상황입니다. 그렇다고 해서 단어 사용이나 내용에서 점수를 월등히 벌어가기도 쉽지 않을 것이고요. 7.0 이상 필요한 학생들처럼 문법 공부를 빡세게 할 것까지는 없지만, 그래도 문법이 부족한 것은 맞기 때문에 매일매일 꾸준히 문법 공부를 해주세요! 결국 이 연습이 단단한 베이스가 될 겁니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)