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The chart depicts the top 10 countries regarding how much they used and produced in terms of electricity in 2014. (여기서 엔터 한번 더 치셔야 합니다.) It is ranked by product amount, not consumption amount but there isn’t 줄임말은 풀어써주셔야 합니다.)much of a difference between the two because most of countries have similar production and consumption amounts, and the product amounts are slightly higher than consumption amounts apart from Germany, which used more electricity than they made. (1. 문장이 너무 깁니다. 최소 한 번은 끊어주셔야 해요. 2. 여기에만 amount가 5번 쓰였습니다. 절대로 좋은 상황이 아니에요.) Speaking of differences, while Russia had the smallest least difference between production and consumption, which is 19 billion kWh, India had the biggest most difference which is about 171 billion kWh. The country which made the most electricity is China. They made 5,398 billion kWh in 2014. This figure is more than the total amount produced by the countries ranked 3rd to 7th. On the other hand, Korea made the least electricity, which is less than 490 billion kWh, among those ten countries. The gap between the top and 10th is almost 5,000 billion kWh. For the consumption, it is same as the production but the gap between China and Korea is about 4,900 billion kWh which is slightly less than production differences. Overall, this chart shows that most of countries has similar amount between usage and production for electricity and mostly they make more than they use. (태스크1에서의 Overview는 서론 밑으로 갑니다.)
*문법은 주변인들에게 1차적으로 가볍게 첨삭을 받은 것 이구요, 전문가분께 IELTS다운 글쓰기, 어휘력, 논리, 구조 등을 첨삭 받고 싶습니다. 시험은 7월 중순, 독학이구 목표는 7-7.5입니다. 구조 짜고 글쓰는데 30분 정도 소요되긴 했습니다만 일단은 시간 보단, 글쓰기에 집중하고 있는 상태입니다. ㅠㅠ 잘 하고 계십니다. 지금 당장 시간에 신경쓰실 건 없어요. 어차피 어휘+문법부터 늘려주셔야 합니다. 확인 부탁드리겠습니다. 감사합니다! |