The environment is changing rapidly because humans are destroying nature to meet their needs.
Discuss this cause of environmental change and suggest some solutions for this problem.
Many experts have become concerned because the nature is continuously destroyed day by day has been destroyed days by days. Nowadays, human beings uses resources of earth (여기는 링크를 넣어드리겠습니다.) aggressively trying to dominate them. In response to this problem, most of all, people should change their thoughts on nature. Also, the changed mind should be linked to their pattern of consumption.
Firstly, people are using the environment carelessly for their needs. Even though many experts warn that this destruction has an affect destroy affects to human life, there is little change for earth’s environment. As people keep cutting off trees in rainforests, many places have already started to become deserts. For instance, the (아마존 앞에 붙는 이 the는 그냥 외우세요~)Amazon, where people used to call as a lung of the earth, is losing its function because of human’s desire for their convenience. It clearly shows that human beings uses resource of the earth regardless of nature’s damage.
To stop this problem, people have to change their perception about the relation between humans and the earth. As people are is affected by the environmental change, people should believe that humans are is a part of the earth, not a dominator. Also, this thought has to be continued to the behavior of consumption. For example, the consumers need to pay more attention on the products made ecofriendly than other products. It illustrates that the change of thinking of individuals can be a starting point for the conservation of nature.
To summarize, although the nature’s damage because of human needs is a serious issue, it is clear that there is a solution to fix this problem. If people believe the earth as a place to live, this issue will soon be a problem of a past.
다 쓰고나서 some solutions인 걸 봤어요ㅜㅜ 문제에서 해결책 여러개 제시하라고 했는데 하나만 제시하면 감점이 많을까요?...다음부터는 꼭 꼼꼼히 읽어야겠어요ㅠ
첨삭감사합니다!
-> 문제에서 soultions라고 되어있는 건 맞는데, 이게 곧 해결책을 여러 개 제시하라는 의미는 아닙니다. 한 개만 제시해주셔도 충분하고, 그 자체로는 감점 없으니까 괜찮아요~물론 두 개를 '질 좋게' 쓰면 가점은 있겠죠 :)
총평: (6/6/6/6) 6.0
평소보다 표현상의 문제점이 조금 늘어난 점이 아쉽네요. 다른 부분은 위에 수정해드린 사항을 봐주시면 될 것 같고, earth의 경우 밑의 링크에 설명이 잘 되어있으니 참고해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)
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