While it is often said that the loss of particular losing species
of plants and animals is the main environmental problems, others insist that there
are a number of other significant important environmental issues. However Personally, I would
contend that there are more some important environmental issues such as disaster and
pollutions.
To begin with, there are a couple of
reasons why the loss of plants and wild animals can bring considerable damage
in our life. First and foremost, people can not ear eat a balanced diet, if there are
not enough plants and animals. For example, if people only eat particular food
on every day, the health level of our community may decline. This is because,
if we do not eat balanced diet, this has an impact on our immune system. Moreover,
losing huge number of plants and animals can negative effect in our life. To
illustrate, if the number of plants decrease continually, other species can also
affect by this situation, such as herbivores. Finally, human beings can be exposed to
negative impact (실제 어떠한 것들이 있는지에 대해 적어주시는 게 필요하긴 하지만...사실 안 적더라도 6.0 넘기는데에는 아무런 지장 없습니다.) on their lives.
On the other hand, despite the statement opposite
mentioned above, there are more convincing arguments that pollutions and
disasters make mare more drawbacks on the environment. First of all, these days,
most people suffer from a number of pollutions. In other words, air pollution
is common in the cities. This can make people to stressed out. In fact, stress is
one of the causes of the illnesses, because it weakens the immune system. In
addition, disasters also significant environmental issues. To be specific,
people can not expect disasters in the near future. Therefore, life quality of
our citizens may decline. This is because, people can always be concerned about
disasters like hurricanes, floods, and forest fires.
In conclusion, even though losing some plants and animals may bring about some negative impacts, it is clear that disaster and pollutions will be more detrimental. Hence, people should try to prevent some negative impacts from the environment. (제언은 따로 요구된 바가 없습니다.)
315 word, 40분소요 됐습니다.
6.0 목표입니다. 항상 첨삭해주셔서 감사합니다
총평: (6/7/6/6) 6.5
이정도면 6.0은 충분히 보장될 수 있습니다. 물론 task1 때문에 6.5까지는 조금 어려울 수는 있어도, 6.0 넘기는데 지장은 없을 거에요. 대신, 특히 결론을 쓸 때에 철저히 논제가 요구하는 것에만 집중할 수 있도록 주의해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)