Question: Drug abuse is an increasing problem in modern times. Discuss some reasons behind this and suggest ways it can be hindered.
답변
It is true that drug abuse is a serious problem these days. While this is a big issue, it can be solved by showing public advertisements and providing various kinds of treatments to addicted people.
The main cause of drug abuse is mental problems of modern people. In modern times, people get a lot of stress and sometimes it leads to mental illness. Thus they depend on drugs to overcome their depression and feel better temporarily because they have gain a positive image on drugs by people who have already used drugs. However, the effects of drugs do not last for a long time persist too short, so they use them (참고로 여기는 use보다 depend on이 조금 더 나아보이긴 합니다.) drugs more frequently, causing the drug abuse problem. Especially, for example, many celebrities suffer from mental illness and ultimately use drugs to eliminate their mental distress temporarily.
However, there are solutions to this problem. First of all, the government should advertise the fact that drugs affect people adversely, making a negative image of drugs among people. The government should also provide various opportunities to treat the addiction through public institutions. The reason why people use drugs should be found and the root causes should be solved. In fact, most of the causes are mental problems, so institutions related to drug problems in many countries provide mental care programs help them to find other ways to get rid of their stress and satisfy their urge to get relieved instead of the drugs. For example, they are encouraged to have some hobbies like doing exercises, drawing, or singing.
To sum up, drug abuse is a serious problem, usually caused by people's mental problems and the positive image of drugs. However, this This can be solved by public advertisements and providing many ways to get treatments through special institutions.
비밀번호는 1234 입니다. 항상 좋은 첨삭 감사합니다!!!
총평: (7/7/6/7) 7.0
굳이 아쉬운 점을 찾자면 서론이 암기된 티가 팍팍 난다는 것, 그리고 drug 등 일부 표현이 너무 자주 쓰인다는 것 정도가 되겠지만, 전반적으로는 깔끔하게 적어주셨네요. 제가 건드린 부분도 무조건 필수가 되는 사항은 몇 개 없습니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)