The given bar chart illustrates that Australian habits on how they consumed of how to consume coffee or tea in five cities.
Overall, it is noticeable that the number of people who went to a coffee shop for coffee or tea in the last 4 weeks is the highest except in Adelaide. On the other hand, people who bought fresh coffee in last 4 weeks is the lowest in all cities.
Looking at the chart more in detail, in Sydney, Melbourne and Hobart, over the 60% of city residents went to a cafe for coffee or tea in the last 4 weeks. In these cities, people who bought instant coffee is smaller than the number rate of residents who went to a cafe, however, the gap between the percentage number of people who went to a cafe and the figures of people who bought instant coffee is biggest in Sydney. In Adelaide, the figure of people bought instant coffee is more than people who went to a coffee shop.
In contrary, people relatively (이 단어가 없으면, '아예 사지 않는다' 라는 의미가 되어버립니다.) do not consume coffee by buying fresh coffee in all cities. The number rate of residents who bought fresh coffee is less than 45% in five cities. The figures in Brisbane and Adelaide is same at less than 35%, which is the lowest in all given figures.
총평: (7/7/6/6) 6.5
크게 어려운 표는 아니었던만큼, 내용상 문제는 별로 없었습니다. 그러나 이에 비해 표현상으로는 보완이 필요하고요. 현재 거의 대부분의 문장들이 the~~of~~의 구조로 되어있기 때문에 어느정도의 문장 구조 패러프레이징이 필요합니다. 세 번째 문단의 첫 문장이 문장구조에 대한 패러프레이징이 된 사례에 속하는데, 이처럼 더 다양화해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)