안녕하세요, task 2 첨삭 부탁드려요
12월 에 시험예정이고 목표점수는 7점입니다,
42분정도 걸렸고 252자입니다.
좀 주제가 어려웠네요 ..ㅠㅠ
감사합니다,.
Many people believe that they should retire at the age of 50. It depends on jobs, but only a few people remain working their jobs until they are 65 or 70. Sometimes, they work up to 80s. It seems that retiring at 50 became practice from one day. It looks that there is not much of an an little agreement on an appropriate retirement age.
However, there are no clear agreement on an certain retirement age. Only several jobs using physical abilities are encouraged to retire at certain ages. For example, athletes usually retire at near of 30. They gradually lose their physical abilities after 30, they are not competable any more. This is the reason that they retire earlier than other people. Aside from these several jobs, people do not need to retire early even though they work normally.
On the other hand, many jobs do not require high level of physical abilities. They do not need to worry about losing their competition. For instance, office workers do not require high level of physical abilities (바로 앞에서 쓰인 표현이니까 무조건 대체해주시는 게 좋습니다.). They spend most of their working hours in front of computers. It does not seem to require a lot of labors. However, many companies let them retire when they become 50. Although they can work after than 50, they are often encouraged to leave their workplaces. It is a discrimination for old people without fair reasons.
To conclude, I believe that people should be encouraged to work as long as possible, if they can physically keep their work performances working as long as people are possible should be encouraged to remain in paid employment if they normally keep their performances physically.
총평: (7/6/6/6) 6.5
제가 이전에 말씀드리려다가 깜빡했는데, 씽씽님의 경우 교재를 바꿔보시는 걸 추천드립니다. 지금 쓰고 계시는 교재의 유형들은 너무 오래돼서, 최근 경향과는 조금 동떨어져있어요. 또한 문법+어휘 공부도 꼭 해주세요! 이게 제일 중요한데, 제가 아무리 말씀드려도 10명 중 1명만 이를 성실하게 해냅니다. 씽씽님이 그 1명의 학생이 되길 바라겠습니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)