Q. Tourists damage many historical places, making them harder to preserve.
What are some of the reasons for this? Suggest some ways to resolve this problem.
One of the biggest problems facing the world today is the damage of historical places. In fact, it is a pressing matter which requires immediate attention. Although problematic, it can be solved by limiting visiting times and enhancing the regulation.
These days, tourism industry is getting more and more developed, increasing large number of tourists all of the world. It is useful and helpful to publicize to many people and profitable to earn much money, but it has a negative effect on our historical sources. The areas that have a lot of historical values have damaged and destroyed by tourists, and once that damaged it is hard to reclaim. (파손의 '원인' 을 다뤄주시면 됩니다. 여기는 다시 써서 검사받으세요!)
To deal with the problems, the effort of the government is needed by limiting admission times or the number of tourists. Currently, there is no limit to enter the tourist attraction, but if they fix the maximum number of people that can enter to the historical places, the issue will be reduced. Also, another way to tackle this issue is making having a distance of at least one meter from valuable products or sculpture in the historical areas.
To sum up, the historical places have tumnaged by a number of tourists nowadays because of development of tourist industry. Nevertheless, this problem can be resolved by implementing the new regulation about admission times and the number of tourists and creating having a distance to avoid touching historical resources.
1시간 가량 걸렸어요ㅠㅠ원인 해결 이 부분을 제가 어렵게 느끼는거 같아요ㅠㅠ
1시간은...안 됩니다. 진짜 마지노선은 45분이에요. 그 이상은 절대 안 됩니다.
총평: (5/7/6/6) 6.0
본론1은 수정이 필요합니다. 원인이 명확하게 드러나지 않은 상황이기 때문이죠. 만약에 관광 산업이 발달했다는 점을 원인으로 들어주신 거면, 이걸 더 유기적으로 연결할 수 있는 부연설명이 필요해요. 예를 들면 관광산업의 발달 속도에 비해 관광객들의 의식 개선 등이 따라오지 못한 상황이다~등과 같이요.
수고하셨습니다 :)