technology 주제입니다.
감사합니다!
(혹시 conclusion이 너무 간단한가요?)
1) Many things that used to be done in
the home by hands are now being by machines.
Does this development bring more
advantages or disadvantages?
Owing to immense technological progress of mankind,
most of houseworks are done by machines. This change brought about some drawbacks,
but it mostly has had a positive effect on both individuals and our society.
In terms of the disadvantages, using a machine in the
house tends to make people too rely too much on them. People in these days do not have a/the chance
to learn good housework skills due to popularity and convenience of machines. For
example, unlike the past, many unique family recipes are thought to be obsolete
and vanished because people in these days prefer simple and convenient cooking method
with machines such as an air fryer and oven-ready foods.
On the other hand, this change has brought about
many positive changes on both individuals and a society. First of all, people are
receiving benefits from housework automation by machines such as wash machines and
dish washers. As these machines are certainly convenient and time saving, people
can have more free time which can be spent spending more time with family or doing more creative and
productive works. Furthermore, using machines in the home have brought about a number
of positive changes on our society by enabling more women to participate in social
and economic activities than before. In the past, most of women were not able to cannot have jobs
because they have had to play a lot of roles in the house. However, thanks to relevant
machines, women finally become free from all the household chores and able to have
various jobs. This has increased not only women’s social status but also their country’s
workforce.
In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above,
It it can be seen that the disadvantages of using machines in the home are relatively
smaller than its benefits.
총평: (7/7/7/6) 7.0
크게 문제는 없이 잘 적어주셨습니다. 이정도면 시간 문제가 없다는 전제 하에 task1에서 발목 잡히는 걸 감안해도 6.5는 충분히 보장될 거에요. 질문해주신 결론의 경우 장점을 강조하는 상황이므로, 최소한 장점에 대한 반 줄 정도의 요약은 들어가는 게 좋습니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)