주제: people should only comcetrate on a single skill for life because it is the best way to succeed. to what extent do you agrree or disagree with this opinion?
It is a common belief that the best way to succeed is to focus on only a single talent only has a single talent for life. However, I firmly believe that people should focus on learning various skills to earn a lot of money and build many careers for their success.
To begin with, having diverse skills would have an opportunity to build their new career. This is because it can gain many promotion chances of promotion and apply for jobs you used to be unqualified for. For example, according to one study on job in Korea, it appears that people who are interested in various abilities can get a chance on job interviews and move to job that requires required new skills when people cannot work in their company or the society is under a has crisis such as the corona-virus.
On top of that, acquiring a plenty of abilities can ability give people to earn money than people who have only one talent. Keeping one consistent one ability has a narrow choice on job. It means that the way how to earn a lot of money is also no widen. For example, according to the recent research on what abilities people gain a lot of money for one month in Europe, it showed that people achieved two or more skills used their talent or combined each skills to make a lot of salary than a person of one skill.
Overall, it clear that concentrating on diverse skills is able to help people to be a more successful person by making many careers and earning a lot of money. For these reason, people need to focus on leaning one or more skills.
글자수: 262 / 시간: 1시간 (아이디어 정리가 오래걸렸습니다) / 목표점수 6.0
중간중간 헷갈리는 단어는 사전찾아서 써서 넣기도 했습니다.
예시를 어떻게 들어야할지 감이 잡히지않아서 비슷한 방법으로 작성해봤는데..확인 부탁드리겠습니다!
늘 감사합니다:)
총평: (6/6/6/6) 6.0
일단 지금 제일 큰 문제는 시간입니다. 고로 사실상 현재 글은 5점대로 보시는 게 맞아요.
예시 관련해서 질문해주셨는데, 사실 '6.5 이상에서'는 저렇게 쓰시면 별로 안 좋습니다. 그러나, aille님의 경우 6.0만 필요하시기 때문에 따로 건드리지는 않을게요. 오히려 저기까지 들어가면 악영향만 줄 수 있습니다. 고로 시간 단축과 어휘+문법 공부에 조금 더 집중해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)