Q ; The global demand for oil and gas is increasing, Some believe that we should therefore encourage the exploitation of remote areas. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
There has been a controversial issue over whether or not a new development in remote areas is able to achieve successful outcomes. Although some people claim that it is more important to develop their areas for getting new resources, others point out that there should be come out would be (그냥 간결하게 쓰고 넘기세요~절대 욕심내실 필요 없습니다.) a huge amount of drawbacks on this unethical and dangerous development. In my opinion, I would firmly argue that there would be present more disadvantages than advantages as some people are known.
To begin with, it is clear that some beneficial aspects will be shown in our society which are related with earnings on the areas. If the areas which need to be developed and also have sufficient resources like oil and gas are developed efficiently, the countries are able to earn a financial gains by economic growth. Furthermore, through this growing exploitation, a great deal of industries and factories would need more workers than before that strengthens job creation.
Nevertheless, for these this overdevelopment, a lot of animals and people have to be sacrificed. In the industrial environments, it is an inevitable issue that comes up with environmental pollutions which are air pollution, global warming and so on. In recent studies, the countries which just developed their areas to discover new resources were unable to return to the past due to as environmental problems. In addition, for hiring workers, it would be popped up some negative cases about overwork and inefficient nighttime work would pop up as well.
In short, both opponents and proponents have debated over this disputable issue and both sides seem to have good reasons to support their arguments. For some reasons, however, I am of the opinion that a needless development in remote areas will output a lot of disadvantages according to affect their environments and society and also impossible to get more benefits than when the remote areas do not yet start their development yet.
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총평: (6/7/6/6) 6.5
6.5이긴 한데, 조금 아슬아슬합니다. 아마 6.0 주는 채점관들이 조금 더 많을 것으로 보이며, 이는 문법 때문입니다. 엄청나게 문제가 있는 건 아니지만, 너무 문장을 꼬아쓰려고 하시는 감은 있으며, 절대로 그러실 필요가 없으니까 그냥 최대한 간결하고 안 틀리게 쓰세요! '내 문법 실력을 뽐내겠다!' 와 같은 생각을 최대한 버리고 덜 틀리겠다는 마인드로 쓰시는 게 베스트입니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)