Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization.
Why might this be the case?
What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
The meaning of a freelancer is that a person who is not under a firm but works and earns money him or herself himself. There are many freelancers in the world and its number is still increasing. There's a reason for this phenomenon below. (1. 줄임말은 풀어써주셔야 하며, 2. 이 글은 원인 외에 단점 역시 다뤄야 하기 때문에, 이에 대한 내용도 들어가야 합니다.)
Thanks to advanced technology, the Internet internet and mobile phone have been made and people are living with them every day. So (문장을 and but so로 시작하는 것은 좋지 못합니다.), nowadays, people can earn money without being employed by firms because there are many platforms to help them make a profit themselves such as YouTube youtube, Facebook, and Instagram. When someone starts a YouTube his own youtube channel and makes helpful videos for people, many people would subscribe to the his channel and the channel owner can get a chance to sign on an advertisement. This is how they make money through YouTube youtube. Also, the main point of making money with Facebook and Instagram is getting famous and posting advertisements on their own accounts.
However, if self-employed keeps increasing, there will be some problems. First, the self-employed system is not an employee-friendly. Being self Self-employed doesn't (여기도 마찬가지입니다.) have a higher capacity for making jobs than traditional employers like a company. (여기서 엔터는 따로 치지 않습니다.)
Additionally, the economical balance could be collapsed. As it is written, most of all profits in self-employed system come out from advertisements. That means the cash could only flow to advertisement firms and it might destroy the economy.
To sum up, the Internet internet and mobile phone are why the self-employed system come out to the world and some disadvantages such as decreasing of jobs and the destruction of the economy could be there because of the self-employed system.
총평: (7/7/6/6) 6.5
내용은 괜찮게 갖춰주신 편인데, 이에 비해 표현상으로는 자잘한 오류가 있다든지, 줄임말이 사용된 점 등이 조금 아쉬웠습니다.
줄임말을 풀어쓰는 것은 면접을 앞두고 머리와 옷을 정돈하는 것과 비슷하다고 보시면 됩니다. 면접에서 정말 청산유수와 같이 술술 대답한 지원자가 옷과 머리가 지저분하다고 점수가 확 깎이지는 않지만, 이는 분명히 지원자에 대한 인상에 영향을 주죠.
줄임말 역시 마찬가지입니다. 7점 받을 글이 줄임말 쓰였다고 6.5로 떨어지지는 않습니다. 그러나 분명 글에 대한 인상에 영향을 주니까 꼭 풀어써주세요!
전국의 모든 취준생들에게 '면접 전에 옷과 머리를 정돈하고 가실 건가요?' 라고 물어보면 대답은 뻔할 겁니다. 줄임말의 경우도 같게 보시면 돼요.
수고하셨습니다 :)