The plans below illustrate the comparison
of the Grange park in 1920 and today. Overall, when it first opened (1920),
there do not have any amenities (여기 역시 이전과 마찬가지입니다.). On the other hand, today’s park has many of
it.
When the Grand Grange Park was first opened, there
were two entrances, one was on the Arnold Avenue (우리나라에서 '강남대로' 가 하나의 고유명사이듯이, 영어 역시 마찬가지입니다.) avenue, the other one was on the Eldon Street street. There were three rose Rose gardens in this park, which located on each north
and south and three seats were near the west (여기의 경우 동서남북이 없도록 수정해주시면 됩니다.) side of the Rose garden. A fountain
is in the middle of the park and a stage is just right next to it. On the right
side of the Eldon Street street, there is a glasshouse.
After refurbishment of the Grange Park park, even
though the number of rose Rose garden has been (이 문단은 일괄적으로 시제를 싹 바꿔주시면 됩니다. 동서남북 역시 삭제하시면 되고요.) reduced, the size of the Rose garden,
which is located in the center, gets bigger than before and 4 seats are
surrounded it. Moving to the west side of the park, a stage is changed to an the amphitheater
for the concerts. Near the Eldon street, the glasshouse is changed to water feature.
For the convenience of the guests, café and children’s play area is built. Not only
this, an underground parking lot is made to increase accessibility.
task1,2 같이 하다보니 뭔가 부족한 것 같아서 다시 썼어요,,
글자수: 201
목표 7
총평: 제가 재작성 글의 경우 따로 점수를 매기지는 않지만, 아쉽게도 오히려 이전 글이 그나마 나았습니다. 이전 글도 문제가 없었던 건 아니었지만, 이번 글의 경우 대소문자가 되게 많이 틀렸고, 이 외에도 이전의 문제점 역시 그대로 계승된 상황이기 때문이죠. 이번 글은 냉정히 보면 6.0이에요.
기본적으로 task1의 '항목' 관련해서는 소문자 시작해주시면 되지만, 간혹 지금처럼 예외가 있으니까 주의해주셔야 합니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)