These days, many students do have a part time job when they are in college. Some people say university students' role is studying. So (문장을 and but so로 시작하는 것은 좋지 못합니다. 밑의 경우도 마찬가지이고요.) they think if students do have part time job, they cannot cant focus on studying. It is true that the absolute amount of time is less when students do both working and studying compare to studying only. But I agree that there are good points of having doing part time job while they are in college.
(제가 해드린 것처럼, 문단을 나눌 때에는 엔터를 두 번 쳐주세요~이것도 점수에 들어갑니다.)
First, students can experience society. While working part time doing part time job, students do make various kinds of interactions with different people. It makes students know how to deal with conflicts and build good interactions among people. Also students can be responsible to what they did. In college even though they are adults, because their role is 'student', some students feel comfort of what they are doing. But when they work do part time job in the real world, students feel more responsible because there are no backups such as professors or peers.
Second, students can invest money earned from part time job to their hobbies. It refreshes students' life from studying. It makes students experience abundant types of activities. And in paradox, while they are dealing with many types of activities, they can learn how to manage time. That way, they can spend time in a more efficient way. That experience will make studentscompetent.
In conculsion, there are good points of having a part time job when students are in college. Students can get mature interaction skills and they can use money to what they like.
총평: (7/6/7/6) 6.5
전반적으로 크게 문제가 있는 건 아니었는데, 대신 한국에서와 마찬가지로 직업을 하다, 즉 do라고 하지는 않으므로 주의해주시고, 엔터키도 한 번이 아닌 두 번 쳐주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)