The bar chart depicts the percentages of
people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities
during a month. Overall, the rates of people that went to a cafe were the highest
except for Adelaide and there were followed by instant coffee and fresh coffee were followed.
First of all, it is clear that the rates of
people who went to a cafe for coffee and tea in the last 4 weeks were the highest figure
among 4 cities other than Adelaide. These figures were at least more than 50%,
but the figure (바로 앞에 같은 단어가 있으므로, 최소한 여기의 경우는 대체해주시는 게 좋습니다.) in Adelaide was solely lower than 40%. Meanwhile, the proportions
of instant coffee were higher than 40% in all cities. Brisban and Hobart had
the largest figure at about 53% in instant coffee.
It is also obvious that the rates of people
who bought fresh coffee in last 4 weeks were the least among all cities. These figures
were at least more than 30%. (여기의 경우 최대점을 잡아서, ~~다들 이것보다는 낮았다, 라고 적어주셔야 합니다.) When it comes to comparing two cities between
Melbourne and Hobart, the percentages of people drank coffee at a café were the same,
which figures were approximately 63%. The proportion of people purchased
instant coffee in Hobart (55%) was higher than those of people in Melbourne
(48%) while the rate of people bought fresh coffee in Melbourne (42%) was more
than in Hobart (38%).
총평: (6/7/6/6) 6.5
지금도 6.5 선에서는 그럭저럭 괜찮은 글이고, 사실 nallalee님은 task2에서 다 벌어가실 거니까 크게 걱정은 없지만, 그래도 표현/문장구조의 반복 때문에 조금 아쉽긴 했습니다. 예전에도 강조드렸듯이 task1 표현과 문장구조는 무조건 모범답안을 보시는 게 좋습니다. 해당 답안에 있는 사항을 참고해서 내 것으로 만들어주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)