In
many cities the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in
order to reduce crime, but some people believe that these measures restrict our
individual freedom.
Do the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks?
These
days, video cameras are widely used for security. However, people’s opinions differ
as to its use. Although there are some advantages to CCTV, I believe it has had
more considerable disadvantages.
Admittedly,
there are some real benefits to having CCTV. It helps to prevent crime since
when people are under surveillance, they are less likely to commit crime. And (문장을 and but so로 시작하는 것은 좋지 못합니다.)in
some cities, they operate a special team that who watches watching CCTVs in real time and
reports to the police when they find crime scene. Also, it is beneficial for crime solving.
For instance, video records in public places is useful for police to find thief’s
runaway route and frequently used as major evidence of crime in court.
In
spite of above plus points, I still think that CCTV would invade people’s personal
life significantly. CCTV in private areas such a shop and a restaurant accounts
more than half of the total CCTV number in most cities and Videos recorded in
such places can be used with personal interests. For example, an American
department store was sentenced to fine as invasion of personal information because
of illegal use of video filmed in its shops. They provided the videos to advertisement
company to analyze customers’ spending patterns without customers’ agreements. In
my views, there is a are high possibility that CCTV could be used with personal profits
as a significant number of CCTV are in personal area.
In conclusion, CCTV certainly has its advantages, but I believe
its disadvantages outweigh them from the perspective of importance of personal
information.
[252단어/49분/6.5/10월 말 시험]
감사합니다! :)
총평: (7/7/7/7) 7.0
글 자체는 잘 써주셨는데, 다른 부분에서 문제가 됩니다. 먼저, 49분은 말씀드리지 않아도 아실 겁니다. 꼭 40분 이하로 줄여주셔야 해요. 이번달 시험이니까 이제 진짜로 줄이셔야 합니다. 그렇게 해야 실전에서도 6.5가 나옵니다.
또한 252자 역시 불안합니다. 물론 250자는 일단 넘겼으니까 1차적으로는 합격이지만, 연습 단계에서는 실전에서 쓸 분량의 1.2~3배 정도로 연습해야 실전에서도 어떠한 주제가 나오든 안정적으로 250자를 확보할 수 있게 됩니다.
단, 시간을 줄이면서 동시에 글자수를 늘리는 게 쉽지는 않을 수도 있습니다. 이 경우 그냥 시간에 더 신경써주세요! 그게 훨씬 급합니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)