Some people think that one should plan detailed activities for their leisure time, while others disagree with this view. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There is a belief that making a detailed plan for our recreation time is encouraged. However, others assert that it is not necessary. In this essay, I will discuss both sides and present my opinion.
From one point of view, organizing our (여기도 그렇고, 글 전반적으로 1인칭으로 갈 이유는 없습니다.) plans in detail would make our activities more abundant. This is because by
following the plans set up in chronological order set up in advance, therefore the time
for Googling to find the information as well as hesitating to make decisions that
is likely to happen during our leisure activities could be saved. Accordingly,
our days would be filled with more various activities ones which would be valued to
maximize our satisfaction. Furthermore, a detailed preparation could reduce the
costs for the leisure efficiently. It is true that many attractions such as
National museum and The modern art gallery in Seoul (여기는 and in 빼고 대문자로 가시면 됩니다.) are offering discounted ticket
prices for those who make a booking in advance. Searching and grasping these
opportunities could enable us to enjoy our precious time more economically.
On the other hand, spending leisure time
without detailed plans would be beneficial in their ways. This is because it
could give us enough room of mind without chasing the next goal immediately, thus
we could enjoy the moment we are standing deeply. For example, while traveling,
discovering a beautiful café by chance in the middle of roaming and spending
time with a stranger in there could be a serendipity that the less-planned could
bring. In addition, such an improvisation would increase
our enjoyment by feeling free from pressure which is meaningful for time
of recreation because we would not have to should not trace the following objective in hurry.
In conclusion, it is apparent that each
side has their own advantages. Therefore, we should choose an adequate way
based on individuals’ tastes and desires.
총평: (7/7/7/7) 7.0
크게 문제가 있는 건 아니었습니다. 대신 1인칭은 최대한 덜 쓰이는 게 좋으므로, 진짜 필요한 경우, 즉 내 의견임을 직접적으로 서술할 때가 아닌 이상 모든 1인칭은 안 쓰시는 게 좋습니다. 이번 글에서 유일하게 필요한 1인칭은 서론 마지막 문장의 I에요.
수고하셨습니다 :)