Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is a common belief that the biggest problem we are facing today regarding environmental matters is that a big number of creatures are rapidly becoming extinct reducing rapidly. However, there is a more persuasive argument that dealing with environmentally concerned matters comes in priority.
However, some Some people say that we should focus on the loss of a variety of species in the globe. Today, many of plants and animals are threatened with their lives and habitats by the destruction of nature for development. Lots of corporations are thriving to take the first place by exploiting natural resources such as mangroves, forests and even the sea. Recently, one photo of the polar bear had attracted all eyes across the world. In this photo, one of the polar bear family found the garbage truck while strolling and mounting on it to find some edible eatable things. It gives rise to consciousness that we are threatening their essential factors for lives.
Even though the creature's lives suffering from environmental problem can never be neglectful, our top priority still comes to prevent the environmental problem. In fact, all kinds of these fundamental problems are generated from environmental causes. In this regard, those problems related to the lives would be solved naturally. For instance, the biggest mangrove of Brazil has been significantly destructed by humans seeking natural nature resources and caused serious environmental damage and made suffered both plants and animals suffer. This environmental destruction led us to live with lowered air quality overall in the world compared to we used to live in the past.
To sum up, while it is evident that all kinds of lives matter and should be respectful, it is undeniable that focusing on the fundamental cause of environmental problems can be a solution to both problems.
1. 목표 : 6.5
2. 날짜 : 11월 말
3. 40분/290자/도움 x
4. 기타 : 시간을 줄이는데 집중하니까 문장이 조금 어색해보이는 부분이 보이네요 ㅎㅎ 여러가지 문장구조를 익히는 연습이 필요한것같습니다.
(아닙니다! 지금 정도면 문장구조는 충분해요~이제 여기서 최대한 덜 틀리기만 하면 됩니다.)
총평: (7/6/7/7) 7.0
자잘한 오류가 있긴 해도 이정도면 잘 써주셨습니다. 이정도 글이면 task1에서 발목을 잡히는 것까지 고려해도 6.5는 충분히 받으니까, 여기서 이제 더이상 다양한 구조에 욕심내지 마시고, 이정도 수준에서 최대한 덜 틀리는 걸 목표로 해주시면 돼요.
수고하셨습니다 :)
+이제부터 task1 연습도 같이 해주세요! 홀란드러버님처럼 상위권 학생들은 다 여기서 발목 잡힙니다.