안녕하세요 task 2첨삭 부탁드려요.
12월 중으로 시험예정이고 목표점수는 7점입니다,
시간은 35분 정도걸렸고 266자입니다.
외부도움은 없었습니다. 감사합니다
As With developments of transportations, a lot of people go to other countries to take courses. There are many opportunities for students to study abroad. We can encounter numerous positive reviews of the studying abroad from the international students around the world.
It obviously seems that studying abroad brings a number of advantages. For example, students are able to take more advanced courses compared to studying in than their mother countries. In fact, lots of universities provide high quality education. The international pupils would get better chances of working from graduating these high level of education (졸업의 객체는 학교이지, 교육이 아닙니다.). Moreover, several occupations such as tour guides and athletes are limited to working at certain countries due to legal or industrial regulations. However, to study abroad helps these people working regardless of these regulations.
However, studying abroad also entails many disadvantages to the international students. They often feel loneliness to living alone. It occurs severe homesick and many of students give up studying in foreign countries. In addition, language issue is the biggest problem. If they did not get ready enough for the language of the country where they study use, they will inevitably face countless problems in their normal lives. They will struggle to shop groceries, to communicate with other peers and to study their courses. Therefore, overcoming these aforementioned problems is a key of the success in studying abroad. (이 문단은 '장점' 을 다루도록 통째로 바꿔주시면 되는데, 이에 대해서는 밑에서 말씀드리겠습니다.)
To summarize, I believe that studying abroad brings not only profits, but also drawbacks such as homesick and language barriers. However, I strongly insist that if they prepared enough for these issues, they will get much more profits from studying internationally than their countries.
총평: (6/6/7/7) 6.5
이번 글의 어휘+문법 괜찮았습니다. 물론, 여기서 만족해서는 안 되며, 꾸준히 어휘+문법 공부를 해주셔야 해요. (혹시 뜨끔하셨다면 오늘부터라도 꼭 하세요!)
반면에 내용상으로는 수정을 강력하게 권장드립니다. 비법노트 게시판 4페이지에 가시면 후라이드 vs 양념 이론이라는 제목의 글이 있습니다. 자세한 설명이 있으니까 그걸 꼭 정독해보시고 내 것으로 만들어주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)