■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. You response will be judge on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words.
■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading

Nowadays, many families endure changes of family system and structure due to modern culture effects. This essay will explain what can happen by this trend before discussing the positive side and negative sides of about this trend.

[It is clear that nowadays, family members are becoming more and more smaller, be small number thus, many people have simple family structures than the past time. This is because modern people prefer to have less kids because of the  a small baby rather than have a lot of baby by nowadays economic downturn and change of life style. By changing <(changing what?), the importance of family will reduce should be reduce in the society. For example, the people who have a small family might spend time to their leisure time with friends or alone rather than enjoying with family members. And also, more and more they will not be concerned with and ignore about the traditional events for remember their ancestors more and more with smaller families their family members by lack of family member.

It is clear that, by not spending time with to their family members event and relationship process, they people can have more time for themselves can get many time and chances for their study and social life. And also, if they should focus on many traditional events with their family, they can go through a great amount of stress for they would not have time to rest.  they can suffer in tired because they can’t enough rest time for charge their energy in holiday.

Some people say that this trend helps them to spend time and money effectively. For example, if they have many children like the past time, they might find it hard to avoid unbelievable outlay for their child. This is because nowadays, school and academy expenses is very expensive than bygone days. And also, modern people should spend their effort to increase their ability or work for endure hard competition in their major. <(하나의 문단으로 정리를 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 가족이 작아 지는 것 외에 roles가 바뀌는 것이 무엇을 change하는지도 서술을 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다) 

Nevertheless, I strongly believe that this we these trend has have many negative effects than positive effects to us. First, without many family members, in their house they can’t get enough love from family, and also if they have a child in a family may have difficulty learning social skills their home their children might hard to learn and realize about social skills and ability of communication.<(why?) Second of all, it would be more helpful to go through a dilemma in life with more family members. Less family members mean less people to look up to. when they are against with serious problems in their life, if they have close and enough number of family members they should help them to endure and solve the problems. Finally, interestingly it is important to for protect crime in society. <내용 연결성이 부족합니다> Many researchers say that people who grew up growed in big families tend to adapt to society and their surroundings contrary. On the other hand, people who have a relatively small family lack of number of family member and are not close with their family usually can’t understand importance of social communication and social rules.

In conclusion, even though nowadays people are very busy today and competition is more and more be serious and hard so small connection <(?)and structure of family member is more suitable in life, we should protect enough number of family members and close in our life <(??) for to protect negative things in our society and next generations.

Score: 4.5

Comment: 질문에 대한 답은 fair합니다. 다만 글쓴이는 데에 틀리시는 곳이 너무 많습니다. 또한 structure 도 만힝 어색합니다. 하나의 문단에 는 하나의 sub topic을 정해서 정리를 해주시는게 좋습니다. 같은 sub topic이라면 그 내용을 따로 다른 문단으로 서술을 해주시는 것 보다 같은 문단으로 정리를 해주시는게 좋습니다. 내용이 너무 많다고 생각하시면 굳이 다 써주실 필요는 없으시고 2~3개만 골라서 정리를 해서 전달을 해주시면 됩니다. Structure/composition이 잘 안되어 있는 글의 전달력도 많이 떨어집니다. 또한 글 곳곳에 끊켜져 있습니다. 한 문단 안에서는 엔터 키 가 아니라 스페이스바를 눌려주시기를 바랍니다. 전체적으로 coherence에도 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법상 틀린 표현/틀린 단어 형태/ 낮은 register/이해가 안되는 표현/ informal한 표현/ 잘못 된 collocation/ 어순/ number agreement 가 많습니다. 단어 공부를 더 해주시고 단어 뜻 외에 collocation이나 문장안에서 어떻게 사용이 되는지 공부를 해주시면 도움이 될 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 수정이나 코멘트를 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.