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<Topic> The money spent by governments on
space programmes would be better spent on vital public services such as
schools and hospitals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? |
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Although some people think the development of space business is indispensable,
many people feel that there are countless countries on the Earth which are
suffering from the paucity and the scarcity of social security services. For example,
the United States invests biblical national budget to the universe programmes such
as shooting the satellites to the space or cultivating astronauts, whereas some
Americans in destitution are not able to enhance their education level owing to
the excessive college tuition fees, possess sufficient medical insurances. (여기는 앞부분과의 흐름을 고려했을 때 살짝 꼬인 것 같은데 다시 한번 확인해보시고 검사 받으세요~) As
lots of people condemn the US education and medical system which require gargantuan
expenditures from administrations, I think improving social services and education
quality are more salient
What
is more, by investing more budget to support the public school such as supporting
more sports equipment to school for physical activities like a basketball stand, subsidize
sports teams of school or patronage of academic accomplishments, young students
are able to develop their body condition or talented students may contribute themselves
to their mother country to repaid the decadelong investments. For instance, if young
athletes are able to be endorsed by administrations, it may bring crucial impacts
on physical achievement or they can be the great athlete.
In
condensation, as I do not think that the national plan of space brings practical
advantages to the people, investments in |
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[ 340 words] |
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Grammar |
Vocabulary |
Cohesion and Coherence |
Task Response |
7/9.0 |
8/9.0 |
7/9.0 |
8/9.0 |
감사합니다.
총평: 이번 글은 평소보다 자잘한 사항들이 약간 많아졌으므로 주의해주시고, 메시/호날두 철자는...아주 먼 미래 언젠간 도움이 될 수도 있으니까 익혀두시는 것도 괜찮아보입니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)