Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals from dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Since the dawn of time a variety of living creatures have been dying out. Moreover, life satisfaction of individuals has also been decreasing. Some believe that we should make an effort to keep the diversity of animals' breeds, however others assert that we should put our society and humans first more than other factors. In this essay, I will provide some information on each viewpoints and offer my perspective on in this matter.
On the one hand, there are several valid opinions explaining why we should protect endangered animals. First and foremost, animals can be a method of education for people. To be specific, children visit zoos to learn and experience unusual creatures that are not prevalent to observe in our day to day lives. By that I mean, if unique animals become extinct (굳이 기존의 표현처럼 복잡하고 어색하게 풀어쓰지는 않습니다.) are not existing any further, youngsters will not be able to connect with wild living things in the future as their previous generations are used to. Moreover, if the authorities do not give attention to animals in danger, it will accelerate environmental problems since all the creatures including human beings, plants and animals are strongly associated with animals. Thus, animal right activists have been complaining to care about them for humans' well-being.
On the other hand, there are several reasons to focus on humans’ problems. Initially, a A lot of unfavorable things are consistently happening which we should take to tackle such as racism, ageism and new diseases. the The general public insist that the governments should put human related issues first, despite we make use of other breathing creatures as long as it supports to find possible measures for human beings. Besides this, as our satisfaction of life improves, we are capable of offering better natural habitat for other living things at the same time. (이거 관련해서는 한 줄 정도를 더 구체적으로 적어주시면 좋습니다.)
To sum up, we should take account into extinct animals because it is related to the ecosystem and also hugely affects our healthy lives. However, however the priority should be humans’ welfare since we tend to use animals for our benefits. It is my opinion that, rather than only focusing on things happening our society, it would be advantageous to concern about other creatures for us.
10월 말 시험, 6.5 목표입니다. 단어의 사용이 제한되어 있는 게 발전해야 할 포인트인 것 같습니다.. 시간을 재지 않고 작성해 보았습니다. 그래서인지 많이 오버했네요 (360자) 다음 글에서는 시간 배분을 할 수 있도록 250자를 조금 넘기는 게 목표입니다 ㅎㅎ 첨삭 감사드립니다!
(7/7/7/7) 7.0
아니요!! 단어의 사용은 전혀 제한적이지 않습니다. 9점 목표이면 제한적이라고 말할 수도 있겠지만, 6.5는 물론 7점대에서도 제한적인 상황은 아니에요. 오히려 이번 글은 진짜 뜬금없는 대소문자 오류부터 줄여주셔야 합니다.
그리고 치치님은 일단 6.5는 안정적인 확보가 될 거니까 조금 욕심내서 7.0 목표해보세요~task1만 잘 챙기시면 7점도 충분히 괜찮아보입니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)
비밀번호 0000