Poverty is a problem that affects the majority of children these days. Discuss the effects of poverty on society and suggest some solutions to this problem.
It has been a tragic but instrumental issue that numerous kids are suffering from famine and poverty since they are not capable of being supported. This might occur life-threatening emergencies and low quality of satisfaction with lives. In this essay, I will identify the main factors behind this phenomenon and offer some possible measures for this issue.
There are a great number of reasons why this has been a global concern. First and foremost, poverty is closely relevant to the economy of those countries. Meaning, adolescents are not able (둘은 의미가 조금 다릅니다. 가능과 허락의 차이라고 보시면 돼요.) allowed to obtain appropriate health check-ups and likely suffering from a lack of food due to the shortage of medical infrastructure. Besides this, the quality of school provision has a tendency to be insufficient in developing countries.
Even though this (이게 뭔지를 다시 한번 상기시켜주세요! 글쓰기에서 핵심에 대한 상기는 매우 중요합니다.) is a serious issue that we need to discuss, there are steps that we can take to tackle it. First of all, developed nations should aid for those poor locations to encourage kids who are in need of supports. Likewise, young students are prone to be uneducated and under-nourished and also financially unstable. Due to this, all nations should cooperate and come up with warm-hearted solutions to not let them die from poverty. (이건 크게 의미가 없는 문장입니다. 실제 어떤 해결책이 있는지를 적어주셔야 해요.)
To sum up, it is vital to assist youngsters living in unfavorable conditions to make the world equal. I personally believe that as long as the governments and the general public give attention as well as kindly donate and volunteer for them, This this will be potentially helpful to protect them and rescue poor children to get out of those mess.
총평: (6/7/7/7) 7.0
이번 글은 평소보다 조금 아쉬웠네요. 채점관에 따라 6.5까지는 내려갈 겁니다. 그 밑으로는 절대 안 내려가지만요.
위에서 말씀드렸듯이 본론2는 그냥 거의 없는 문단이라고 봐도 무방한 상황입니다. 마지막 줄 관련해서 훨씬 더 구체적으로 적어주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)
+치치님은 다음주는 오로지 task1에만 집중해주시면 됩니다. 내일부터 1주일간은 Task1을 올리시고, 그 다음주부터는 1주일에 4~5번 이상, 하루에 task1+2 한 세트씩 실전처럼 풀어서 첨삭받으시면 돼요. 딱 이 스케줄대로만 가시면 됩니다.
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10월 말 시험 목표, 6.5 받는 게 목표입니다!
첨삭 다시한 번 감사드립니다!
비밀번호 0000