1. 라이팅에서의 목표점수: 6.5
2. 다음시험 날짜 그리고 위의 점수를 아무리 늦어도 언제까지는 만들어야 하는지: 최소 2021년 8월
3. 현재 글을 쓰는데에 몇분이 걸렸는지 + 단어수 + 외부도움: 37분 +419단어 + 외부도움X
4. 그 외 제가 알아두면 도움될만한 기타 정보나 현재 학생 여러분들의 공부상황: 영국대학 오퍼를 받았고 아이엘츠 제출을 위해 군대에서 독학중입니다 감사합니다
+++++ 10월 24일 쯤 첫 아이엘츠 응시를 하려는데 라이팅 6.0 나올 수 있을지 모르겠네요 ㅠㅠ
My answer
In plenty of cultures, children which means people who are not mature usually are heard that they are able to accomplish anything if they try hard enough. This message looks like positive, and literally it gives some hope and also it can be a great motivation for children to achieve their goals. However, giving this message is not always good for children because it this message might make some side effects when the children grow up.
First of all, plenty of positive effects can be shown through giving this message to the children (동의어가 그럭저럭 있는 편이니까 잘 활용해주세요!). This message can play a significant role in making efficient motivation for the children. To be more specific, there are some children who would like to go one of the greatest universities in their countries. These students, they should make a great score on their secondary school or studying hard for taking hard for the SAT . If their parents give some hopeful messages like if they try hard enough you would make good scores and finally can go to the university that they want to go, this message will be a good motivation for the children. Eventually, the children's learning speed would be accelerated and they would study harder than before, and this process can be connected to achieve their real goals. This being so, one of the most efficient motivation is giving a hopeful message.
Secondly However, there are also some side effects that can be caused by this kind of hopeful message. When children hear a the message like this, they feel like that there is are nothing that they can not (이거 하나는 엄청난 차이를 가져옵니다.) accomplish when they do the best. Unfortunately, this kind of optimistic mind can cause tremendous frustration when they grow up and face some impossible works or goals. For instance, the children who want to be like Bill Gates gates, they believe that they can be like him if they study hard or go through variety of experiences. However, it is really hard to become a respectful billionaire because to become billionaires is harder than winning the lottery. The significant Significant point is that if the children who ultimately cannot become the billionaires, they will be suffered by horrible inferiority and depression. Consequently, the hopeful message can also cause negative effect to the children.
In various modern communities, people try to give some good and positive messages like if the children study hard, and they could achieve anything that they dream. The grateful message for children is good and it can be a great motivation for their life. However, this kind of message can arouse a pessimistic effect.
총평: (7/6/6/6) 6.5
제이든님께 각 Task1/2별로 과제를 드리겠습니다. 10월 24일까지는 최대한 이거에 집중해보세요!
task1에서는 최대한 표현과 문장 구조를 다양화하려고 노력해보시면 됩니다. 이를 위해 모범답안을 보시면 되고요.
task2는 글을 최대한 간추리는 대신, 정확도 향상에 신경써보세요! 그 어떤 글이든 350자를 절대 넘기지 않도록 연습해보시면 좋을 겁니다. (마음 같아서는 300자 넘기지 말라고 말씀드리고 싶지만, 그건 조금 어려울 거에요.) 글이 길다고 항상 좋은 건 아니니까 짧고 간결하게 쓰는 연습을 해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)