안녕하세요, task 1 첨삭 부탁드려요.
12월 중으로 시험 예정이고 목표점수는 7점입니다.
시간은 18분 정도 걸렸고 161자입니다. 남의 도움은 받지않았습니다.
감사합니다.
Dear Jay,
Hello, this is Ian. I am one of the students taking a course you teach. I have been working as a full time supervisor of a restaurant while and have been taking the part time evening course everyday.
However, I recently I recently got promoted to an assistant manager of the restaurant and was happy for getting promotion. On the other hand However, that means I now have more responsibilities for my job. Unfortunately, I have decided to stop taking this course, and thus I do not have enough time to continue taking this course. I genuinely wanted to keep studying my course, but I do not think that I would be am able to handle the both.
Meanwhile, I know that there is a policy of your school that provides a refund of the uncompleted courses. Thus I would like to get refund of my rest classes. I have attended one fourth of the session, therefore I I believe I could get a 50% refund of the tuition fee based on the refund policy.
I hope to get your reply soon.
Sincerely,
Ian Jeong.
총평: (7/6/7/6) 6.5
영어는 한국어에 비해 연결어가 그렇게 중요한 언어는 아닙니다. 연결어를 쓰지 말라는 거는 아닌데, 지금처럼 모든 문장에, 심지어 불필요한 경우에도 일일히 다 연결어를 넣으려고 하면 글이 부자연스러워지므로 주의해주세요! 정말 필요한 경우에 한해서만 자연스럽게 넣으시면 됩니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)