Write about the following topic: Some people think
that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams,
like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports,
like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own
opinion.
(348 words, 52min., 쓴 김에 하나 더 써봤습니다. 시간맞추기가 쉽지 않네요ㅜㅜ 2주만에 10분 줄일 수 있을까요..-> 줄일 수 있을까요는 중요하지 않습니다. 어차피 줄이셔야 해요. 참고로, 이 분량 그대로 40분 맞추는 게 쉽지 않으면 글을 간추리시면 됩니다!)
Certainly, by enjoying
sports, people can obtain many merits in various aspects such as physical
advancement, maintaining healthy condition, and letting their steam off. Some
people prefer enjoying team sports with others while others say playing sports individually
is more positive. With regard this matter, I would like to say team sports is
beneficial for a part of people who have has similar living conditions, while and doing exercise
solely is positive for people who have limited circumstance.
In contemporary
society, many individuals have a hectic and unique lifecycle and definitely it
limits to get along with others to enjoy sports games together. In this case,
the sports that can be performed by an individual can be a good choice such as
cycling, swimming, running, and fitness. Since there are no requirements to
adjust with others, it can be scheduled, started and finished fully depending on
one's demand and condition with less effort. Additionally, sometimes, it helps concentrate
on player's own body condition thoroughly without distraction and it improves efficiency to enhance the performance.
In the meantime,
team playing sports have has apparent advantages at the same time. The first First positive
aspect is socializing and second one is obtaining advice. When it comes to the
first merit, when people enjoy sports together, they can form a great
relationship among the participants and secure precious memories together. In
this regard, taking part in a group sport is beneficial not only for private
health but also social relationship. In addition, expert players can tutor
novices in order to make them a valuable player within short time and all participants
can advance by acquiring and providing advice with each other. From the
perspective of efficiency for improvement, taking part in sports which are
played in teams is highly recommended.
As mentioned in the above paragraphs, each type on enjoying sports has its own merits. Nonetheless,
considering the fact that, thanks to the development of recent IT technology, even a lonely player can obtain practical advice from the internet and easily can
share their experience with others online on line, and thus it seems that solely performed sports
based on one's condition and circumstance is more beneficial.
총평: (7/7/7/7) 7.0
자잘한 오류가 있긴 해도 글 자체는 7점 받는데 무리가 없습니다. 대신 시간은 어떻게해서든 줄여주시고, task1도 꼭 공부해주세요! 부에노님처럼 상위권 학생들에게는 task1이 관건입니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)