Being
a celebrity – such as famous film star or sports personality – bring problems
as well as benefits. Do you think being a celebrity brings more benefits or
more problems?
Recently, the issue of being
famous has become the subject of heated debate. Some people assert that the
benefits of living as a celebrity outnumber the drawbacks.à although Although there are some
advantages to gaining fame, these are outweighed by the disadvantages, while
others argue otherwise. And I wholeheartedly agree with the latter stand. In
the following essay, both views will be discussed before a conclusion is
reached with my opinion.
On the one hand, those who claim that there are
several advantages to earning honor do so for several reasons. Proponents of
this argument insist that considering that celebrities usually make big money,
they can live a more comfortable life and buy what they want, regardless of the
price. In addition, celebrities benefit from big fan-bases,
which means they receive tremendous love and encouragement. A third reason is
that not only can entertainers devote their time to their talents like singing,
but they also have the opportunity to find other hobbies like acting.
On the other hand, ignoring the shortcomings of
fame is short-sighted. First of all, celebrities are forced to live in the
public eye. This means that every aspect of their lives is scrutinized. Additionally,
celebrities are often under excessive pressure to become role models to/of the public, and if
they make mistakes, they face backlashes from them the public. Moreover, in the age
of social media, famous people are exposed to bullying and murder threats of murder online, which can be very harmful to their mental health. (여기서 엔터 한번 더 치셔야 합니다.)
In conclusion, it is undeniable that there are a variety of opinions about this topic. However, after considering this matter in a careful manner, I fully support the view that the drawbacks of living as a celebrity outnumber the benefits for the reasons discussed above.
소요시간은 40분
목표점수는 6.5 입니닷
감사합니다
총평: (6/6/7/7) 6.5
글의 상당 부분이 템플릿이기 때문에 적어도 '틀린 건' 그렇게 많지는 않았습니다. 참고로 7점 필요하신 건 아니기 때문에 제가 템플릿을 쓰지 말라고까지 말씀드리지는 않겠지만, 그래도 너무 '나는 이 하나의 템플릿으로 모든 글을 커버하겠어.' 라는 생각은 버려주셔야 합니다. 라이팅의 다양한 유형에 따라 어느정도 변형은 하실 수 있어야 하며, 그렇지 않고 그냥 유형 관계없이 하나의 템플릿으로 다 때려박다가는 나중에 큰일이 날 수 있어요. 또한 task1의 경우는 애초에 템플릿이 적용되지도 않고요.
6.5점만 필요하시니까 템플릿은 어느정도 쓰셔도 됩니다. 대신 그 과정에서 공부가 절대로 기계적인 방향으로 이루어지지 않도록 해주세요! 그러다가 6.0으로 내려가는 건 순식간입니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)
+문단을 구분할 때에는 엔터만 두 번 치시면 됩니다. 탭은 따로 안 치셔도 돼요.