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These days, an increasing number of working people tend to spend more time on working instead of leisure activities, regardless of their intention. In my opinion, this situation has more disadvantages than advantages.
However, this does not mean that the situation has only disadvantages, alike, everything as pros and cons. For example, there are some advantages from long working hours such as the amount of products you can make, high payment, and so on. (의식하셨겠지만, 이 문단의 경우는 더 늘려주셔야 합니다.)
Nevertheless, there are far more serious disadvantages, although I mentioned the other ones above. The first thing is work-life balance which has been regarded as what we must take into account when getting a new job. If you (여기 포함 모든 2인칭은 대체해주셔야 하는데........5.0에서 그리 중요한 사항은 아니니까 저도 강하게 말씀드리지는 않겠습니다. 참고로, 의문형 역시 바꿔주셔야 합니다. 2인칭과 의문형은 기본적으로 구어라서 별로 추천드리지 않아요. 대신 이 바로 뒤에 쉼표가 남발되는 건 교정해주세요~), for example, work over 55 hours a week, having no holidays, is it well balanced? In particular, if you have dependants, you need to have at least a free weekend for them. When it comes to a health, long hours of work with less leisure activities is significantly unadvisable. Imagine how your body would go unhealthy, if you just sit on a chair for hours in an office or lift heavy stuff at building sites. This is completely a bad way for your body.
To conclude, your health and work-life balance are as important as work, probably far much. Therefore, I think that having long time for work and less time for leisure activities has more disadvantages.
글자수 : 228 시간 : task1이랑 같이 57분 글자수 이렇게 많이 부족해도 괜찮을까요?? 아이디어가 부족해서..
안 괜챃습니다. 220자대면 어느정도 감점은 감안하셔야 해요.
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