▶ Your Answer :
It is an obvious fact that how to teach children
has been always been a priority issued for parents for a long time without doubt. It
seems both home schooling and sending their children to school are the most common
ways for teaching their kids these days. This essay will going to discuss about some advantages
of home schooling and teaching them at school.
Home schooling offers various benefits for both
parents and their kids. Firstly, people in remote areas have a difficulty to
send their children to school as there are not much schools in the remote areas.
Even if some schools are available around them, schools in remote areas most
likely provide low quality of education compared to schools in urban area in
most cases. That is why, parents mostly decide to provide education to their
kids by on their own. <(advantage 보다는 왜 homeschooling 을 하는지에 대해 서술 해주신 것 같습니다) Secondly, children can be protected from bad things such
as bullying and bitten by other students. <(what do you mean by bitten?) In particular Especially, bullying is the biggest
issue these days at schools and hard to be eliminated. But, bullying cannot be
exist at in their home. (Need better transition) Sending children to school for education
purpose is the most common way for every parents all over the world. Perhaps most
of parents want to rely on teachers for their children to build be built more
knowledge every day. This is because teachers are qualified for teaching
students and have much deeper knowledge and skills for teaching students. <(이 내용도 장점 보다는 학교를 보내는 이유 처럼 들립니다) In addition, sending young students to school also gives them more chances to be socialized with many other students at school because they spend a day at the same place and doing activities together.
To sum up, both types of way for teaching
children have clear advantages. Nevertheless, it is parents’ responsibility to
keep looking for a way to provide better opportunity for our kids.
Score: 6 Comment: 일부 내용이 학교를 보내거나 홈스쿨을 하는 장점 보다는 이유 처럼 들립니다. 예를 들어 remote area에 있는 아이들은 근처에 학교가 없거나 있어도 quality가 좋지 않아서 홈스쿨을 택한다 보다는 지역과 상관없이 교육이 가능하다 라고 해주실 수 있습니다. 또한 아이들이 똑똑해지기 위해서 부모님들은 아마 선생님들한테 의지를 하고 싶은 것이다 보다는 아이에 대해 더 잘 알고 전문적으로 교육을 할 수 있는 사람이 선생님이기 때문에 아이가 더 정확히 알고 공부를 할 수 있다 라고 해주실 수 있습니다. 그 외에는 문법에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |