안녕하세요 !
아래의 에세이를 첨삭해주셨었는데요, 감사합니다 !
본론의 살(근거)부분이 많이 부족하다고 첨삭해주셔서 그부분을 보완해보려고 수정을 해보았는데,
첨삭을 요청드립니다.
감사합니다 선생님, 즐거운 한가위 되세요 !!! :)
People should only concentrate on a single skill for life because it is the best way to succeed.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.
일부 사람들은 한가지 능력이 성공의 요소라고 생각한다. 찬성/반대?
Intro- 다양한 의견이 존재. 나는 찬성(a single skill)
Boby1-
주장- single skill에 집중하면 성공할 가능성이 많다
이유- 성공을 거둔 사람들의 공통된 의견. Single skill은 타인이 대체할수 없는 능력.(irreplaceable)
예시- Steve jobs(smartphones), Creativity.
정리- a single skill이 성공의 요소이다
Boby2-
주장- 시장은 스페셜리스트를 원한다
이유- 많은 회사들이 능력있는 스페셜리스트를 원한다
예시- 서울에 이직(job transfer offers) 많다
정리- a single skill이 성공의 요소이다
Summary- 다양한 의견이 존재. 나는 single skill이 성공의 요소라고 생각한다.
People have divergent opinions concerning the best way to succeed in life. On the one hand, some people think that concentrating on a single skill is able to achieve success economically, but on the other hand, there are those who say that using many skills allow people to adapt to different environments in the workplaces. I personally believe that only concentrating on a single skill is to be the main factor to achieve success in life.
First and foremost, focusing on a single skill can lead to a high possibility of success in life. Most people who have achieved success in each industry field said that the main tool of success was their unique skill. This is due to the fact that this skill can not be an irreplaceable one which they can only use. For example, there is Steve Jobs who reaped huge success of Apple by introducing smartphones firstly in the world. The key factor that Apple became the best company was his creativity, and he always made an effort to show difference with competitors. As a result, his effort made the smartphone world of today. This shows that concentrating on a single skill can be the main reason to achieve success.
Moreover, the market needs specialists who have detailed expertise. There are tons of industries today. Many companies try to survive in a fierce and very competitive market. To do this, they need specialists who can introduce new technology and take the lead in the market. For example, there are various job transfer offers in Korea. Particularly, Samsung is recruiting many talented employees to keep technology gap with competitors in the IT industry. In this regard, the importance of having an unique skill will continue to rise.
Overall, there are many opinions about the best way to succeed in life. I personally believe that concentrating on a single skill is more important than using many skills in terms of success in life.