Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.
A lot of teachers provide their learners in school with homework. Some people agree that homework is beneficial for children's education to educate, however others say that teenagers doing homework does not have a have not good effect on themselves and other people. I will discuss these two opinions before presenting my opinion (바로 앞에 같은 단어가 있으니까 대체해주세요~).
As for positive aspects, homework helps students to experience a new situation by themselves. This is because they try to solve the work by competing with their friends. For example, there is the homework that pupils have to make hats. Students spend many lots of time in completing their work and experience lots of errors, and this may provoke the feelings of frustration. Consequently, they solve this work through the various process which differ from each learners. These experiences make them active and are required to grow students into adults.
Other people claim that many students complete their homework through the help of their parents, which is the reason that teacher must do not force their learners to do the work. Adolescents are monitored by educators or parents due to their young age. In Korea, if pupils delay homework, their parents are concerned about completion of the work. Korean parents think that their children are not smart and not responsible by not finishing what to do and especially are afraid of others' thoughts about their children. Mother and father do the work with the burden of education. The subject of homework become parents and pupils may change more dependent. (여기는 댓글 한번 주세요!)
In conclusion, I think that homework is not helpful due to the increase of dependence in parents and recommend that work should be solved in school.
총평: (7/7/6/6) 6.5
내용은 괜찮았는데 아시다시피 아직 표현 쪽이 완벽하게 다듬어진 상태가 아닙니다. 특히 7점이 필요한데 many time 같은 걸 틀리면 곤란하니까 주의해주세요~제가 너무 많이 말씀드려서 지치실 수도 있겠지만, 그래도 결국 관건이 되는 건 문법입니다. 모든 문장이 결론과 같이 깔끔하면 정말 더한 나위가 없을 것이고, 반대로 many time과 같은 문장들이 늘어나면 7점에서 점점 멀어질 겁니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)