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The supplied bar chart delineates the consumption of
junk food in cafeterias in five different frequencies between 2003 and 2013
in the USA. On the whole,
weekly and bi-weekly or monthly visits depicts by far the largest in percentage,
followed by a few times a week and year. The figure of daily consumption and no
intake seems peripheral compared to other groups throughout the given span. (일단 여기까지는 완벽합니다.) First and foremost,
in 2003, the groups of weekly and once or twice a month were Of several times
of fast food consumption in a week and a year, those figures are generally half
less than that of once a week and once or twice a month. As to Americans in the
group of several times in a week, initially the figure stood at about 17%, gain
by 3% points in 2006 and it went down to nearly 15% again after 7 years. Considering
the percentage of a few times year, it started below 15% but subsequently consumption
rose to the exactly 15% and maintained the same figure throughout a decade. (이 문단 내에서 여기까지, 즉 일년에 몇번이랑 일주일에 몇번 항목이 표에서 가장 덜 중요합니다. 제일 높은 것도, 제일 낮은 것도 아닌 어중간한 친구들이기 때문이죠. 따라서 이쪽을 간추려셔야 합니다.) When
it comes the ratio of everyday and never, it depicts below 5% for 10 years. |
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Grammar |
Vocabulary |
Cohesion and Coherence |
Task Response |
7/9.0 |
8/9.0 |
8/9.0 |
7/9.0 |
열심히 줄여봤는데도 짜증날 정도로 길어지네요 ㅠㅠ...
더 열심히 하겠습니다 선생님,
감사합니다.
총평: 위에 말씀드렸듯이 마지막 문단 쪽을 간추리시면 되며, 오히려 마지막 '문장' 의 경우는 여건이 된다면 늘리는 게 좋습니다. 어쨌든 제일 낮은 수치들로써 분석의 가치를 가지기 때문이죠.
표를 다루면서 어중떠중이들은 1순위 간추림 혹은 생략 대상이라고 보시면 돼요.
수고하셨습니다 :)