안녕하세요.
지난번과 같은 질문으로 작성했습니다.
문법적 오류와 철자의 오류가 많고 어휘력이 부족하다는 선생님 말씀 참고해서
Family를 주제로 어휘, 관용어 등을 외우고 문법도 함께 공부하면서 작문 연습삼아 다시 작성해 봤습니다.
문법적 오류 위주로 첨삭해 주신다면 정말 감사하겠습니다.
1. 질문
Some people argue that parents have the most important role in their child's development. However, others say that other factors like TV or peer groups have the most significant influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
2. 답변
It is believed that parents hold the key to their child's future, while others claim that there are more influential factors such as the media and friends. Although there are plenty of other effects, it is clear that parents play the most essential role in their children.
It seems that the media and peer groups are parts of factors which children are affected by. Nowadays, as double-income families are increasing, many children spend most time watching television and surfing the Internet. They are easily exposed to external influences by these factors. Even if parents can control their children at home, they are still likely to come under peer influence. This is because a number of the young interact with peer groups at school or when they are out.
However, the value of parents in their child's development is obvious. Needless to say, parents' support and guidance are important for their children. As parents look after their children, their quality of life and level of education are more likely to be enhanced. Furthermore, a healthy parent-child relationship is able to impact on young child's future significantly. For instance, children who have a healthy relationship with their parents be more likely to obey laws and regulations compare to others who doesn't have it. Also, they tend to shape a skill set and be less risk to become a criminal than other children who are not supported by their parents.
In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both parents and external influences on child's development, but I am convinced that value of parents outweigh others for child's later life.