Nowadays,
both of parents going to work are very common in contemporary society. However, Some some people say worry that children
spend time by themselves at home without their parents. In this essay, I will
examine this trend caused what problem caused this trend and suggest a remedial measure to tackle
of this issue.
The
reason why this society issue has happened is because parents need to more money keep standard of
living life and then it is cause young kid be more time themselves without
adults under control. This situation might be lead to young people towards crime or
accidents in society. In fact, many juveniles are a victim of their environment.
Moreover, children are easily exposed to the situation in easily which they hang out with a juvenile
gang and become the troublesome teenagers. The other a Another problem is they are exposed
danger at home such as gas range or electronic because they do not have
education and are reckless. Literally, they are young Young. So (문장을 and but so로 시작하는 것은 좋지 못합니다. 단, 5.5에서 크게 중요한 사항은 아니에요.), they need to be under control by the
supervisor.
There are
some redress of measures that what schools and parents can take to tackle this worrying issue.
Clearly, schools can enforce a system what 'after school program' system for children
who could not take parents care after finishing finished school. So, they can hang out
with formal friends and be safe under the educational program. It is kind of
way to protect them from an uncontrollable situation.
In
conclusion, Even even though, the social development lead to us to that high standard
life. However, that is leads it also lead us with various issues as well to us issue too. I think problem always appears as
far as development goes, so we should try to solve the problem by individuals
and society working together.
시간 45분
목표점수 5.5
총평: (6/6/6/5) 6.0
일단 가갸거겨님의 경우 웬만하면 5.5는 받으실 겁니다. 그렇게 높은 점수가 아니며, 지금 글의 경우 문법 제외한 부분에서는 그럭저럭 괜찮기 때문이죠.
대신 확실하게 안정적인 5.5점, 그리고 혹시 모를 6.0을 위해 해주실 몇 가지 사항이 있습니다.
먼저, 시간은 꼭 맞춰주셔야 합니다. 지금 정도의 글을 시간 내에 제출할 수 있도록, 잘 단축해주세요. 그걸 가능하게 하는 하나의 방법은 글 자체를 간추리는 겁니다. 지금처럼 길게 쓰시지 않아도 돼요~
또한, 최대한 다양한 표현과 문법을 쓰려고 욕심내기보다, 최대한 덜 틀리는 쪽으로 작성해주시면 됩니다. 초고득점대의 점수가 아닌 이상, 무조건 덜 틀리는 학생의 점수가 높으니까 이에 명심해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)