Q. Some people believe that it is neither possible nor useful for a country to provide university places with high proportion to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Countries demand educated human resources to develop society and to be able to compete with other countries. While some people insist that a high proportion of universities should be allocated to young people, others believe that this quota system is impossible and useless. I totally agree with the idea that placing high percentages to young people is absurd.
First of all, it is impossible to limit the number of old students in universities. All people have rights to be equally educated. Thus, old Old people should also be able to study whatever they want, and restricting them from studying is against human rights. I believe society should be supportive rather than discriminative to members. (이따가도 말씀드리겠지만, 이 문단은 한두줄 보완해주시면 됩니다.)
Secondly, providing young people with high propositions of university places is neither useful nor effective. Most old people have worked or studied for a longer time than young people have. These old people must be experienced in many aspects, with which they can contribute to the development of society. This is because nowadays different work industries and sectors are integrated, and knowledge and experiences of one sector can be useful to the others.
In conclusion, even though there are some people who maintain the importance of educating more young people than elders, I am certain that introducing the quota system in universities is not only impossible but also useless. The elderly’s rights to be equally educated should be protected, and the importance of their knowledge of experiences should be (바로 앞에 쓰였으니까 가급적이면 대체해주시는 게 좋습니다.) acknowledged.
총평: (6/7/7/8) 7.0
이전 글과 마찬가지로 빨간 부분이 거의 없는 것을 통해 보실 수 있듯이, 절대적으로 문법이나 단어에서 틀린 건 없다고 보셔도 됩니다. 그러나, 지금 분량이 약간 부족하다는 점에 가장 문제입니다. 또한, 단순히 250자를 채웠냐의 여부를 떠나서 본론 두 문단 모두 근거가 부족한 편이므로, 각 문단마다 한 줄 정도는 꼭 추가해주세요! 이것만 잘 해주시면, 뛰어난 어휘+문법 덕분에 점수는 알아서 다 벌어가십니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)