■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. You response will be judge on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words.
■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading

Some believe children should have activities organized for them during their free time, whereas others think children ought to plan their own free time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

The Free time should be used effectively. The way of using free time will be helped for children to study. This may teach them the time management and prioritisation. This essay will discuss whether children should organise their own free time or should be organised by others for them school, before reaching a reasonable conclusion.

(질문은 specifically 학교 라고 말을 해주지는 않았습니다> Some people believe that the children's free time should be managed by schools, because some children might waste their entire free time. Since many children do not know the effective use of time and have a lack of prioritising the lists, this time should be managed by schools by giving a certain task to do. Otherwise, children will just kill the time. Instead of teaching children about the time management and prioritisation, schools can simply can provide the task to complete. In this way, schools does not have to waste the time and money to teach children, and the school can give out the free time immediately. So this free time can be more effectively used, if the school is managed.

However, children might have a difficulty in decision making when they become an adult. Because they may get used to listening for other people's person's orders.<(sentence fragment. 전 문장과 콤마로 연결해서 같이 와야하는 clause 입니다. 또한 because으로 문장을 시작 하는 것은 추천하지 않습니다)  If they had been taught about the procedure instead, they would be able to use their free time more effectively and manage it privately privately managed. Also, they could be able to use their time according to their schedule.

 (Need better transition)

Every student has different schedules and different prioritisation. When the school provides the math and literature homework, some may do math homework prior to literature homework; and vice versa. Children would learn the time management and would learn to be independent, so that they do not have to rely on other people's decision. <(what is this paragraph supporting?)

Free time can be used more effectively if it is managed according to children's schedule/decision/plan. Since every children have has a different talent and different pace of learning, this free time should also can be used accordingly. However, since many children not know about prioritisation and time management, schools must find the way to teach children to use of free time most effectively. After learning those specific skills, children may be able to use free time more effectively. This can make the children to be an independent in the future.

In conclusion, the free time can be managed by school for its convenience and its time saving. However, the free time should be managed by children for to enhance their time management and prioritisation abilities.

Score: 6

Comment: 내용은 fair하나 organization이 조금 더 필요합니다. 내용상 coherence/transition 에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법상 동사에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 조금 더 다양한 표현들을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 주로 글 안에 있는 코멘트나 수정을 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.