Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time studying, Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
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Many experts argue whether to start formal education at an early age or spend most of the time playing. However, I believe it is more efficient for children to play at a young age.
From the point of view of studying, it is said that children who start formal education early should start regular education quickly because they can have an edge over other peers in life. If people start education early at a young age, they can find children's special talents and abilities and set the stage for steadily developing them. According to a study of many famous musicians around the world, most musicians have been educated from an early age and have steadily developed their musical talents to become world-famous figures.
From a different perspective, other education experts argue that children should spend time playing because they develop more socially while playing with children of different ages. When they play and play in each other's roles and spend time together laughing, they are said to be happier and more adaptable to the community than their peers who study other things. According to a survey conducted by the Ministry of Education of the Republic of Korea, students who chose social activities such as play culture instead of regular education are more adaptable to socializing with other children when they enter school.
In conclusion, while there is a clear advantage that children who start formal education early should spend most of their time studying, in my opinion, it is more effective when young children grow up playing.
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소요시간 45분 걸렸습니다.
결론에 저의 의견을 좀더 구체적으로 써보려고 했는데, 두번째 내용이랑 똑같은내용이 써지더라고요..
그래서 그냥 지웠어요.. 시간도 없고 해서..
마지막줄에 저의 의견을 쓸때 위의 내용 핵심 키워드를 똑같이 써도 괜찮은가요?
Because adapting to a community is one of the most important parts of life. (이문장을 맨 마지막에 추가해서 쓰려고 했습니다.)
항상 첨삭 감사합니다!