In some countries, people who are unemployed receive a sum of money each week in the form of a benefit. While somme support this, other people believe that this money should not be give. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
These days, unemployment is one of the biggest huge social issues and financial supporting from the government to unemployed people has been a center of social problems to the public as well as the government. Some people say that it has drawbacks since people do not try to get jobs again, (이 경우 쉼표를 꼭 넣어주셔야 합니다.) while others think people cannot live without money and if they are unemployed, it is an essential method to them. I think these financial support is necessary to people who need help. In this essay, the reasons of both views will be elaborated. (서설이 너무 깁니다. 글에서 가장 중요한 건 본론이므로 서론을 간추리고 본론을 보완해주세요~)
On the one hand, if people receive money from the government, they do not try to find the jobs again as they can just live with the support. As a result, many people might quit their jobs. (애초에 직업이 없는 사람이 돈을 받는 것이므로, 직업을 quit한다는 말은 적절하지 않습니다.) In addition, this money looks small amount of budget, but it is actually a big part of the government’s economy so the government should would have to reduce the budget of other departments to compensate these loss. Since the money has the limitation, the government ought to find non-financial ways (실제 그 방법에 어떤 것들이 있는지 적어주시면 좋습니다.) to support the unemployed people if they need any assistant.
On the other hand, people need money at least to pay for paying fundamental living things. If they do not have jobs, they cannot afford them so this method (이게 뭔지를 다시 한번 상기시켜주세요!) is useful. From this money, they can prepare to find other jobs and keep their lives. For example, in Korea, the government provides some money to people who lose jobs. Thus, unemployed people can pay the monthly fee of housing and phone with this money. Also, this support encourages people to find a new jobs since they do not need to worry about the living things.
To sum up, it is debatable whether the government give the money to unemployed people or not. (이미 주고 있긴 주고 있습니다. 논제를 통해 이를 확인할 수 있죠. 고로 줘야하는지 말아야하는지가 논점이 되고, 이에 따라 should가 중요한 역할을 합니다.) Each view has persuasive reasons but I think people have enough right to get the governments’ support while they are unemployed and because it has many benefits to them.
총평: (6/6/6/6) 6.0
task2에서는 대주제를 가리지 않고, 현재 일어하는 상황과 당위성의 여부는 확실히 구분해주셔야 합니다. 이러한 문제가 결론에서 보였고요. 1. 현재 정부가 ~를 주고 있는지, 주고 있지 않은지 2. 정부가 ~를주어야 하는지 말아야 하는지는 의미가 완전히 달라지므로 주의해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)