Some people think that it is good for young people to travel for experience; however, others think it is a waste of time and money.
Discuss these views and give your own opinion.
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There has always been a debate about whether travel gives young people a good experience or it is just a waste of time and money. In my opinion, it depends on the person. Therefore, travel may or may not be productive.
On the one hand, getting out of where oneself knows well makes one wiser and more competent. Going to a new place with people with different values allows young people to grow faster because it allows them to acquire the ability to adapt to different situations. Traveling when young makes people them realize that they can do something in spite of obstacles. Travel It also changes the way young people relate to the world and others. Travel also, and enrich their lives when young people learn to embrace experiences without fear. However, this is only good when the purpose is to raise ourselves through travel.
This leads us to the second point of contention. If a young man's trip is just about seeking fun, it is just a waste of time and consent. If self-discipline is not the purpose, travel is nothing but an idle expense. First of all, one reason is sure to spend a lot of money. Prices are generally high for foreigners who want to travel, whether travelers have a lot of money or not. In my view, the best experience abroad is gained from fully accepting the life and culture of the place people visit. (이 문단의 경우 여건이 되면 한 문장 정도 보완해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다.)
In conclusion, it is true that young people can get important life experiences from overseas trips, however we must not forget that travel may easily become nothing but a waste of time and money.
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일단 시간이나 그런 걸 다 배제하고 보면 충분히 잘 써주셨습니다. 대신 저는 문법 검사를 하신 전의 원본이 어떤 상태인지 전혀 모르기 때문에, 지금 제가 드린 7.0에 대해서는 알아서 잘 감안하고 보셔야 합니다! (+개인적으로는 문법 검사를 아예 안 하고 올리는 걸 추천드리긴 합니다.)
수고하셨습니다 :)