▶ Your Answer : It is true that people see many celebrities such as a singer, a movie star and a sports star from the media. Some people say that being a celebrity can lead to more positive aspects, however, I believe that it causes more problems. To begin with, it is obvious that becoming a famous person brings some benefits. First of all, a celebrity can be a good role model for others. To illustrate this, if a famous star shows appropriate attitudes in the society, individuals can think they we can do the same as the star. In addition, especially for children, the celebrity could be a good role model. For example, if children want to become famous sports stars in the future, they can focus on playing sports with having a clear target by seeing well-known athletes who they admired. Clearly, being a celebrity encourages people do the right thing and motivates young children as they are good role models for these people. <(some benefits라고 해주신 만큼 2개 이상의 benefits를 서술 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다) On the other hand, being a celebrity causes more problems than benefits in the society. As all individuals know many different well-known stars from media, famous stars cannot have a private life. It is clear that every moment of their personal daily life is photographed by the paparazzi. they are taken every moment photographs which show their personal daily life by a paparazzi. These photos will be released to the media and will be spread world widely. And then the paparazzi may upload the pictures on SNS, the pictures can spread out all over the world as many people share famous stars’ private pictures with using Facebook or Instagram. As a result, famous people may cannot go out easily same as normal people do because they are afraid of showing bad images by paparazzi even though they do not intend to be seen inappropriate. <(이 문단도 more problems라고 해주신 만큼 2 개 이상의 문제를 전달 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다) In conclusion, being a celebrity can lead to being a good role model for society as they show proper attitudes. However, they do not have a personal life as their private pictures are everywhere, so I believe becoming a celebrity brings more disadvantages. Score: 6 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 주로 글 안에 있는 코멘트나 수정을 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 문법상 문장구조에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |