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<Topic> Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion. |
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There is
no denying that human beings are able to indulge innumerable benefits from state-of-the-art
technology. Nevertheless, some people are anxious that the hi-technology conveys
dissocializing among people in communities, whereas the other counterparts believe
that it thrives the friendliness of people and brings positive impacts on human
beings. Although I firmly agree with the statement that the developed technology
makes people individualize, the polar opposite viewpoints will be discussed in
this essay.
It is true to say that people are able to
socialize with other people easier than the past via social media and group
chats in smartphone applications. Those users share interesting information to
their acquaintances easily and pursue biblical conversations with other people
who have a similar interest with them by posting attractive photos or viewpoints
in letters. Furthermore, if people reside
On the contrary, I would like to give my
voice to the downside of hi-technology. The reason can be that forging
the up-to-minute technology requires a plethora of money. For example, in
order to acquire the latest information, people usually use
In reinstate,
albeit no doubt that human beings these days are blessed as they can socialize
with other people anytime and anywhere, I would like to ventilate that some
people are inevitably isolated owing to the low income or the paucity of familiarization.
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[ 350 words] |
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Grammar |
Vocabulary |
Cohesion and Coherence |
Task Response |
8/9.0 |
8/9.0 |
8/9.0 |
7/9.0 |
조언 부탁드립니다.
감사합니다!
총평: 말씀해주신대로 본론2는 직접 접촉의 감소를 다뤄주시는 게 가장 정확하고 안전하긴 합니다. 사실 본론1까지만 해도 '이번 글은 진짜 아무리 짜게 봐도 TR에서 9점을 드려야 할 것 같은데...' 라는 생각이 들긴 했는데, 본론2가 살짝 아쉽긴 했네요.
그래도 당연히 오프토픽은 아니며, 지금 본론2도 논리적 전개 과정에는 아무 문제 없습니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)