The bar chart compares the percentage of money earned from the seven
most popular film genres in US cinemas from 1995 to 2005 as a proportion of the
total profits of the American movie industry for each year.
Overall, it is clear that percentage of all movies fluctuated and
adventure and drama showed the biggest changes. Also noticeable was that
thriller, musicals and animation earned fewer profits compared to the remaining genres, which is under 10 percent
during 10-year period.
In 1995, drama made the highest profits followed by comedy, action
and adventure, while the percentages of the other genres were only around 5
percent. By 2000, proportion of profits from all kinds of film has increased
except adventure, action and drama. Particularly, comedy rose considerably and
became the most profitable genre, overtaking the figure of drama which fell to
the second dropping from around 27 percent to just over 20 percent. Comedy has
remained as the highest by the end of the period in question. The proportion of
money that adventure earned doubled from 10 percent to nearly 25 percent, making
adventure the second profitable genre in 2005. The percentage of animation also
grew while the figure for the others decreased. (문장이 너무 the ~ of ~로 제한적인 점이 조금 아쉽긴 하지만 그래도 '틀린' 건 없었기 때문에 괜찮습니다.)
[197 단어 / 26분(개요
짠 시간 제외)]
ielts wrting 평가 항목
- 전체점수:
- Task Response: 7
- Coherence and Cohesion: 7
- Lexical Resource: 7
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
감사합니다 :)
총평: 시간이 조금 아쉽긴 하지만, 그래도 글 자체는 괜찮았습니다. 패러프레이징이 아예 안 된 것도 아니고요. 대신 구조에 대한 패러프레이징이 조금만 더 이루어지면 아주 금상첨화입니다.
단, 현재 문장 구조의 다양화와 시간 중 더 중요한 건 후자입니다. 만약에 전자를 하다가 시간에 방해가 될 것 같으면 그냥 하지 마세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)