▶ Your Answer :
Some
people argue space travel is wasteful because the massive amount of money
invested to the industry might make people neglect urgent issues on the Earth
while the opposite say we can achieve technological development from the
research processes. Both arguments are quite reasonable; however, I believe
space travel is beneficial since it can lead to some breakthroughs in not only
technology but pure science and suggests a new way of solving problems on the
Earth in the long run.
Components
of space travel think people can adjust some technologies used in making a
spaceship to the human's daily lives. It is true since it's<(contraction을 사용하시지 않는게 좋습니다) possible to find
several cases where technologies designed for certain purposes are used in
other fields. Military-based technologies are typical examples of it; the
internet that was originally invented as a communication system of the US army
is now used world-wide and satellites became the heart of the GPS navigation
system.
(Need better transition)
Indeed,
new materials which are light and durable enough to reduce the weight of a
rocket are proven to have a positive impact on aviation industries. Further to
that, not only technologies but pure science can be developed. There are some
experiments which can be done only in the space. Scientists are conducting a
project, for example, to grow plants in a unique environment where there is no
gravity and less fertilized soils. This might broaden the human knowledge on
outer-space and its impact on organisms. <(이 두 문단의 내용을 하나의 문단으로 정리를 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다)
Some
people, however, think that investing money on such 'dream's is a waste of time
and might cause us to neglect important issues like famine. They assert money
wasted by space travel can be used to save dying people from hunger. <(이 관점에 대해 조금 더 elaborate 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다) It's true
that space travel needs a great deal of money but it is helpful to solve
problems on the Earth in the long term. One of the most active researches in
the space is growing crops in an extreme circumstance and scientists are
expecting this project will increase the food supply significantly. Giving
money to poor countries to relieve famine is a stop-gap measure but developing
a novel and effective farming technology is a more fundamental solution. This
kind of progress might be made in various fields and help to alleviate problems
which people haven't found solutions for on the Earth.
In
conclusion, space travel is not meaningless since it provides chances to come
up with better ideas and breakthroughs. Although it needs some time to gain
successful results, people can benefit from novel technologies and fundamental
resolution of unsolved issues if budgetary support is guaranteed.
Score: 7 Comment: 내용이 아주 좋다고 생각합니다. 다만 내용을 조금 더 정리를 해주시고 summarize/elaborate를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법상 글 쓰시는데에 크게 문제가 없어 보이십니다. 다만 formal essay이기 때문에 contraction는 사용 하시지 않는게 좋습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |