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As adolescents have became more mature than the past, teenagers are endowed with more responsibility and duty from a young age. Followed by this transformation, it has been controversial whether parents should exercise control over teenagers, especially 14~15 year-old teenagers, or not. While some people argue that parents should not intervene into the lives of adolescents, this essay will insist that parental intervention should be taken into consideration.
Parents should intervene in the lives of children due to children's lackness of social experience can derive negative effects. <(specify what parents should intervene in) There are some argument that parents should not intervene in the lives of teenagers as they are already eligible to decide what is right or wrong. However, adolescents just received duties and privileges, and indeed, they barely have any social experience. For instance, children probably make wrong decisions about marriage as they rarely know what marriage is. Thus, parental supporting is essential in order to guide children to the right decision.
Furthermore, one another important reason why parents should exercising control over teenagers in terms of finance is also important because early learning of managing money is essential for teenagers. <(another important reason in terms of finance는 돈과 관련된 이유가 하나 더 있다 말씀해주시는 것 같습니다.) Despite some people that contend that children have only a small amount of money so they rarely need any help, children should learn how to manage money from a young age. Children who used to control money from a young age tend not to waste money when they become older. Hence, parents should intervene the lives of 14-15 year-old adolescents by giving them financial advice.
In conclusion, parents should intervene the lives of adolescents due to the above reasons. Nonetheless, they should guarantee enough freedom and teaching because intervention mainly aims for making them independent in the future.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 서술해주셧습니다. 글 정리를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 특히 spelling mistakes가 꽤 있으십니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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