Many automobile manufacturers created self-driving systems for their vehicles.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of releasing cars with these systems.
It is a common belief that creating a self-driving system will cause negative effects. However, there is a more convincing argument that producing a self-driving system will be a benefit to all drivers.
On the one hand, the car with a self-driving system will cost a lot as it is a revolution in the automobile industry. If the self-driving system car is more expensive than the regular car, then it will induce a vast gap discrepancy between the wealthy people (생략 가능합니다. 그렇게 해주는 게 좋고요.) and the poor people. For example, Tesla, which is the first car produced with the self-driving system was intrigued by all car drivers until they realized the price. Tesla came up as a gift to the rich wealthy people but unfortunately, Tesla was just one of their dream cars to the poor people.
Nonetheless, manufacturing a self-driving system will make fewer car accidents on the complex road. As a self-driving system includes an engineering-sensor, it will be easy to sense the cars on the road even people if could not see on the road with their own eyes. Furthermore, there will be less conflict as this system causes fewer car accidents. According to the interview with the self-driving system specialist, he said that producing a new automatic system will lead to fewer people dying from car accidents and it will likely arouse less conflict between the drivers as people did not drive themselves.
To encapsulate, there are some disadvantages to manufacturing a self-driving system, it is apparent that there will be more advantages of producing this system in our society. (여기의 경우 두 개의 이유로 보완이 필요한데, 이에 대해서는 총평에서 말씀드리겠습니다.)
259자 이고 아이디어가 빨리 생각나서 그런가 30분 조금 넘게 걸렷던것 같아요.
총평: (6/7/7/7) 7.0
일단 내용상 약간의 문제가 있긴 했지만, 전반적으로 다른 부분이 깔끔한 축에 속했기 때문에 (빨간 부분이 많이 없는 것이 이를 보여주죠.) 7점 정도는 괜찮을 겁니다. 물론 task1까지 고려하면 여기보다는 낮아질 확률이 높겠고요.
결론의 경우
1. 지금 논제에서는 장단점을 다루라고만 했지, 둘 중 뭐가 더 많은지에 대해 서술하라 요구한 적은 없습니다. 항상 글을 쓸 때에는 철저히 논제가 시키는 것에만 집중해주세요~
2. 장점 단점에 대한 요약이 들어가야 합니다.
의 2가지 사항을 중점으로 수정해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)