In recent years, television has contributed most to changing people’s quality of life . To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In modern society, most people watch television and they do not need to watch on time according to development of social media and internet while people should not miss broadcast time in the past. (여기는 의도하신 바와는 달리 문장이 이상하게 표현된 것 같은데, 댓글 한번 주세요!) People can watch programs whenever they want. As a result, the effects of television is more powerful. Thus, I agree with the argument that television has contributed most to changing people’s life quality in recent years and this essay will provide the reasons.
First of all, television was is a machine box in the past
and people had to watch programs, sitting in front of this box, on time.
However, the boundary between television and other media measures became vague
in recent years. People can watch television programs on the internet (인터넷은 고유명사이므로 대문자 시작입니다. 다른데에도 다 바꿔주세요!) or youtube YouTube. Especially on YouTube youtube, there are not only program videos but many
people who assess or review the programs. It makes people think more deeply and
in other people’s shoes. This affection will affect (이 문장에만 벌써 두 번째이니까 둘 중 하나는 대체해주세요!) their lives by
changing thoughts.
Furthermore, people can know easily the events occurring
now through TV. In the past, there were only few channels and companies so TV
was sometimes used for political purposes policy. However, there are a lot of broadcast companies
and channels now. Thus, broadcasting stations cannot hide the truth and people
can get more reliable information compared to the rather than past. By facing the truth of the
events occurring, some people might think they have to change the nation and some
people might decide to move to change something wrong. Then, it can change not
only their nations but also people’s quality of life.
In conclusion, the more technology develop and society change, the easier it becomes for people to watch various TV programs. Also, the information people can get from TV will be more diverse. This media change will contribute and change the life quality of their citizens either negatively or positively.
총평: (6/7/6/6) 6.5
이번 글은 평소 asdfghjkl님 실력에 비해 조금 아쉬웠습니다. 아마 낮은 확률로 6.0까지도 떨어질 수 있을 거에요.
전반적으로 표현의 반복이 잦은 편이며, 평소보다 문법 쪽 자잘한 오류도 많았기 때문에, 이걸 우선적으로 해결해주셔야 합니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)