■ Direction· Task 1
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. Write at least 150 words.

· Task 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

The family has a great influence on children’s development, but the influence from outside the home plays a bigger part in children’s life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The influence of family plays a great importance to the development of a child, however, many opine that the influence from outside plays a greater part in children’s life. In my opinion, everyone these children meet and get along with plays an essential role in their life. (이 내용은 결국 두 입장 모두에 동의한다는 것인가요? 그 부분에 대한 정확한 입장 설명이 이 문장 앞에 제시되면 좋을 것 같습니다.) 

On the one hand, parents and family have an extraordinary impact on their children’s growth. The importance of a relationship, responsibility, love, and care are instilled to the children from their parents, which plays an important role in children’s growth and development. With a supportive family, children would learn what is the right and wrong thing to do, and how to become wise and well-behaved people in the future. For instance, parents would teach their children to step by step how to behave in the dining table which others would not teach and point out for these children. This might seem less important but it is very useful teaching when they grow up.

As we all know, the majority of parents tend to keep their children safe and away from danger. However, these children would need to learn how to face real-life obstacles by themselves. These life lessons are only to be taught from the outside world. For example, studying and interacting with peers in school will teach them how to get along with their surroundings and how to be a part of a team. With these values, these youngsters will grow up as strong independent individuals and will later fit into the adult world as well-functioning members.

All in all, while parents and family have a huge impact on children’s growth,  external factors such as people outside their safe boundaries also hold a major impact that should not be ignored for a child’s overall development.

Comment ▼

전체적으로 깔끔하게 잘 써주셨습니다. 서론에서 I agree with both of these arguments. 이런 식으로 문제에 대한 확실한 답을 하는 문장이 추가되면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 지금 써주신 글에 추가적으로 여력이 되신다면 개인적 경험 등을 통한 예시도 적절히 추가해주실 수 있으면 더 좋을 것 같아요. 

수고하셨습니다 :)