▶ Your Answer :
Fast food is popular among children. This is due to the
convenience, variety choices in menu and healthy choices. Some people might
worry about the malnutrition substances in fast foods that can result in health problems hazard. However, this can be controllable.
Since fast food has many malnutrition ingredients, it can
damage health of young children and would change their eating habits. Fast food
contains high calories and fats, which increases the risk of cardiovascular
diseases. Obesity is also on the rise as a result of growing popularity of fast
food. Also, these types of food are available at any time in anywhere, so people
can eat it at any time for twice or thrice a day. <Need better coherence> The more they eat fatty foods, young
children will highly be high likely be obese. Cooking the fast food is unhealthy too.<(need to elaborate) By cooking in oil for most of fast food destroys all valuable nutrients to
human health. <Need better coherence> Fast foods replace healthy eating habits. Fast food is rich in
fats, salts, artificial substances and oils to attract more young customers.
Since these food are stimulative to young children, they are addicted to such a
taste and they will no longer seek for healthy foods.
However Although, these concerns can be outweighed by its advantages.
Fast food is convenient, providing a variety of options for food and it includes
healthy meals. Firstly, fast food is inexpensive. It is cheaper than home made
meals and other healthy restaurant meals. Since the foods are quickly fast served at a
cheaper price compared to the traditional restaurants, these types of foods are
popular among young children. Thus So that, children can be able to save over an
hour of time from ordering to finishing their meals. Second, fast food
restaurants provide a variety menu. There is are a wide range of fast food styles
giving various cultures for children without exorbitant amount of money spent.
Fast food restaurants that offer burgers, chicken and sandwiches are plentiful,
but it also offers Chinese, Italian, Mexican and Middle Eastern dishes. Last but
not least, there is are an increase in modification of the menu in fast food
restaurants to be healthier. Most of fast food restaurants, nowadays, offer
some kind of healthy alternatives options in their menus and this can help
people to be on a diet. In the case of
Subway Restaurant, it provides extensive varieties of healthy ready meals and
drinks for individuals to choose from. Furthermore, there will be more fast
food restaurants changing their menu to be healthy in the foreseeable future
since the WHO continuously forces fast food restaurants <(forces what?).
In conclusion, despite the malnutrition ingredients causing
obesity for young children, there is are an increasing number of fast food
restaurants to include health meals in the menu. Therefore, this issue is not a
serious concern.
Score: 6 Comment: 밑에 첨삭해 드린 에세이와 크게 차이점은 없어 보입니다. 전체적으로 coherence/unity에 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그리고 정리가 필요합니다. 한문단에 왜 아이들이 fast food나 convenient snacks를 더 먹는지를 서술을 해주시고 그리고 다른 한문단에 건강에 나쁠 수 있지만 오히려 그렇지 않다 라고 정리를 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 아이들이 fast food 때문에 healthy foods를 더 이상 찻지 않을것이다 와 fast food restaurants에 healthy foods가 있다 는 contradicting 합니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 수정을 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |