The number of people who decide not to have children has increased greatly. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Many couples in modern society have decided not to have babies because they prioritized enjoying their lives rather than raising babies. Some people believe that this phenomenon has negative effects on society. However, I only partially agree with this idea because citizens can be positively influenced.
On the one hand, 'if ~~~ 가 증가하면,' 을 여기에 넣어주셔야 합니다. 글쓰기에 있어서 핵심에 대한 꾸준한 상기는 매우 중요합니다. many people have stated that the current and next generation would should be responsible for paying expensive taxes. This is because every public facilities and social services are managed by citizens’ taxes. For example, retired seniors’ pensions are paid with taxed by younger generation. However, if the number of young people is continually decreased, the remaining remained younger generations would have to should be in charge of high taxes. This phenomenon makes young people face heavy financial burdens.
However, there are some positive effects on society (여기도 본론1과 마찬가지입니다. 핵심에 대해서 꾸준히 상기시켜주세요!). This is because the government can spend finance to improve social services programs, and people can enjoy better welfares. For example, in Korea, some young students who are in low income households cannot take after school activities or study in private institutions unlike others, so they are behind the average education level. Thus, if the population of young students is are decreased, the government can provide more financial assets to schools to educate students with extra curriculums or activities. This shows that these students can be guaranteed to study in a better environment.
In conclusion, it is evident that people cannot avoid paying high taxes as young generations are decreased. However, the government can spend finances to improve the quality of social services, and citizens will enjoy better social benefits.
총평: (7/7/7/7) 7.0
특정 부분에서 크게 문제가 있는 건 아니었습니다. 대신 위에서 말씀드린 핵심에 대한 꾸준한 상기는 꼭 체크해주세요! 토플, 아이엘츠, GRE등 시험뿐만 아니라 모든 글쓰기의 기본이 되는 사항입니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)