▶ Your Answer :
Biotechnology
improves our standard of living by helping with the maintenance of a healthy diet. <Need better coherence> Some people claims that since this has unproven risks involved in our health,
so it should be prohibited. However, I believe that, despite with this side
effect <(what side effect?), the potential future growth in this field is worth more. Therefore, it
should not be prohibited.
Genetically
modified (GM) Crops (GM) have not yet proven <(proven what?) for all consequences. Firstly, it could
affect the health of humans. Since GM foods are scientifically intervened to
increase nutritional quality, it can result in some allergic reactions. Also, it does is not end with an allergic reaction, but it can have other side effects because
the consequences of this type of food has not been examined. Secondly, there
would be some damages on the soil. The more biotechnology is used, the more
nutrients and vitamins are drained from the soil. In other words, the crops
will have no fruitful <(fruitful what?), since GM food has been absorbed all the nutrients from
the earth. Lastly, there is a potential unexpected pollination across the crop
field. When the GM foods are being planted, there is a high probability that
the pollination will be occurring across the land. The consequences of the phenomenon of these mixed foods are unknown.
Despite with all
these fearful future consequences, the GM crops produces future opportunities to
grow. The use of biotechnology makes the foods to be available throughout the
year by efficient land usage, despite the climate being unsustainable due to the
global warming. Therefore, people can enjoy from a constant healthy diet all year
round by foods being available during unconventional growing seasons. Since GM
foods have maximised all the benefits (enhance the nutritional values), people
could obtain more valuable and rich substances of nutrients from food so that
they can manage their eating habit. Improved the quality of GM food will lead to a
less eating habit due to the sustain satiation. Thus, it can put a halt in the
world hunger issue.
In conclusion, it
is understandable for people to fear for the consequences of man-made food since
the results of such a product are unknown. However, prevention of such a product
can limit future growth for biotechnological experiments. Therefore, it is not
recommended to be prohibited.
Score: 7 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 전체적으로 글 정리를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 더 다양한 표현을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 내용상 consequence에 대한 solution을 주실 수 있다면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 수정이나 코멘트를 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |